Chapter 10

The sun burned my eyes and goose bumps raised on my skin. I turned over, my bed was empty and the shower was running. It was like the morning i had lost my virginity. It was calm until i had ruined it, that morning. My legs swung over the bed, my feet dangled, and my hair was fuzzy from a restless sleep. I wobbled to the floor, the window showed a tiny glance of my reflection. I looked a mess. I starred for a while, the shower stopped and my heart skipped a beat. I gulped. Harry emerged from the bathroom sporting a waist-towel. He looked up at me and blushed. We were still getting used to eachother. That honeymoon feeling still lingered and it was heavy on my heart. Wanting him every second of the day became a regular necessity.

“I feel…married” he laughed.

“Married?” i rushed. “To…to me?” I retorted, my eyes widened and i pointed a finger to my chest.

Harry looked around and walked over to me. He placed his hands firmly around my waist. “I don’t see anyone else in this room, besides you.”

I held my breath. His lips lightly brushed mines. I was embarrassed, i hadnt had the opportunity to brush my teeth and he was already trying to get frisky. My hand covered my mouth.

“I didnt brush my teeth yet” I murmured from behind my fingers.

Harry beamed. A small chuckle escaped his lips. “For better or for worse” he mused.

I rolled my eyes and escaped to the bathroom where i fully assessed myself in the full length mirror. I filled my mouth with listerine and cleansed it to the best of my ability. That, honestly, was as good as it would get until tomorrow. I had developed a disgusting habit of sleeping in ‘last nights cloths’ instead of changing into a night gown, or..or lingerie. Guys liked lingerie. But Harry was weird. He liked everything about everyone. It sounded ideal but it made it nearly impossible to extremely please him. He was so content with everything all the time. I thought this while i tucked my hair into a shower cap. I turned the knobs of the tub and an instant spray of warm water trickled over me. I was gritty from the lack of bathing. That was another thing i didnt understand. His ability to love me despite how unlady like i could be at times. I sighed and in a quick moment my lingering turned into shock.

“EEP!” I yelped. Harrys fingers traced down my stomach. I could feel my face getting hot. I shivered at his touch. “Ehrm…” i peeped, “W-what are you doing in my shower?”

Harry laughed softly and rested his chin on my sholder. His lips were close to my neck. We stood there and we breathed. His chest rose faintly against my shoulder blades. I covered my breasts and my genitals with my hands. I was still so innocent in a way. I had given myself completely to this boy yet i still felt the need to preserve my body. A loud banging noise on the bedroom door made me jump slightly.

“Harry, Aana.” I heard Kylies mother call our names. It was completely disrespectful, in my mind, to be nude in the shower with her nephew. A million legitimate excuses ran through my mind. My lips parted but i was interrupted by Harry’s louder voice.

“We’re in the shower, Auntie.” He called. Doomed. I was absolutely doomed. Kylie’s mother would never look at me the same ever, ever again. I turned off the water and proceeded to hurry out the shower. Harry grabbed me by my waist and spun me around. He pressed me against the shower wall and pressed himself against me. His lips forcefully opened mines and we kissed. Everytime i pushed him away he kissed me more passionately. I couldnt say that i didn’t like it, i just deeply didnt understand it.

When hefinally pulled away from me, we both gasped endlessly for air. “Whats gotten into you.” I croaked. I could feel that, as angry as i tried to see, a smile was already on my lips.

Harry didnt answer. Instead, he opened the curtains and reached for his previous towel. It was big enough to wrap around the both of us. I began to see how he was entirely right. It felt like a new marriage, with our arms wrapped around eachothers waists, leaving the bathroom together.
My heart dropped, however, when i saw a little note on our bed with an array of colorful condoms.

I picked up the letter and read aloud. ‘Harry, wrap your willy, young man. Aana, be safe sweetie’.

Harry’s hand covered his face, his shoulders heaved, he snorted, a squeak of laughter escaped through the barrier of fingers, and then full fledged laughter took over his body.  “Wrap your willy” he repeated.

I blushed and my brows furrowed together. “You should’ve just kept quiet. She didn’t have to know that we were both in the shower.”

Harry shrugged. “Whats there to hide. She probably already knew”

My lips pressed together. ” I’d like to think she didnt!”

His eyes pulled up to mines. He fluttered his lashes and an even wider smiled filled his cheeks. “If you kiss me, i’ll promise to make it better.”

A violent shiver crept up my spine. The suitcase full of warm close called to me. I snatched the towel from Harry and wrapped it solely around me. He flexed causing me to roll my eyes in pretend disguest. I dug through the pile of clothes to find a sweatsuit. Tonights clothes would become tomorrows outfit and tomorrow marked the first day of Harry’s official career as a pop idol. The thought made my stomach turn. i clenched at the clothes in my hand and eventually i turned to Harry.

“Don’t look at me.” I demanded.

“What?” Harry said raising an eyebrow.

“You heard me.” I said, i stood up and  faced him. “I’m getting changed, s..so dont look” i stuttered.

Harry crossed his arms. He had already managed to throw on a pair of fresh boxers. His eyebrow was still raised. “I’ve seen you naked before, Aana. I just saw you naked like two minutes ago.”

I lowered my eyes and sighed. I could tell that he wouldn’t budge. He wanted to fulfill that marrital role to capacity. He wanted me to magically feel comfortable being in the nude around him. “Where’s my ring.” I mused. I looked up and switched my mouth to the left.

Harry chuckled. “So now i need a ring to see you naked?”

I nodded. “yep. you’re the one who said you felt ‘married’. So where is the ring?”

Harry rolled his eyes and turned away from me. I saw his right dimple concave into his face. My towel dropped to the floor and i hastily started to clothe myself. Harry’s head turned slightly towards me.

“No peeking!” i commanded.

He sighed and turned away again. “This is retarded” he mumbled.

“What, your face?” I retorted. My pants were on and i pulled my arms through my ‘Help For Heroes’ hoody. I combed through my hair a fww times and finally i looked presentable. “Okay pretty boy, i’m done.”

His eyes rested on me like he was looking at a brand new baby. I swallowed. “You always do this” i managed to say.

“I absolutely can not help it. I don’t want to help it.” He said, his voice was husky and low.

I shook my head and made my way for the door. But then i stopped myself. This would not become another awkward situation in which i would run away from my feelings. I was entitled to express myself. No one asked for me to become a robot. I was the one shunning myself away from my own emotions. And that was wrong. You continue to deny the people you love and the feelings that you have until you have them no more. What good does that get you except for one less experience and a shit load of regrets. “I love you” I murmured. I held onto the doorknob for support but i refused to turn around. “Let me know when you’re done getting dressed o-“

I felt his arms hugging across my chest. I could feel the cotton of his jumpsuit brush against my cheek. “Love you back.” He whispered in my ear.

I smiled and turned the doorknob. We clumsly emerged from the room, and waddled awkwardly down the hallway. His hands were thrust threw my jumpsuit pockets. With every step i took, he followed. From the balcony of the top stairs i could see that the tree was up and a myriad of presents scattered the floor. Kylie was busy going at the presents with scissors. I turned to Harry, he smiled again. “You knew-

“Shh..theres a special present waiting for you.” He whispered.

I gulped. My hand traced the polished banister covered with christmas ribbons. The house looked divine. I assessed everything as i descended the stair case. It had been hard to imagine that just yesterday i had pulled Kylie from a collision with a speeding car. It had been hard to imagine how anyone would be capable of decorating and shopping and cooking and baking, just for christmas eve. But then again, this was a magical family…my family.

Kylie looked up at me as she ripped at more presents. “FINALLY! IT TOOK YOU LOSERS FOREVERRRRR TO COME DOWNSTAIRS!” She yelled.

Her mother came and rested gingerbread cookies on the sidetable. “She’s been at that one present for 15 minutes. Why don’t you just get Harry to open it for you, Kylz.”

The present was now in between her teeth. “GRR!” She growled, attempting to unwrap it with a new tatic.

Her mother softly chuckled. “Oh. I almost got so caught up in nostalgia…” She breathed and opened the draw of the side table. “Harry was a bit shy, thats why he’s gone off to hide until you opened this,” she said pulling out a tiny present.

Kylie stopped what she was doing. I held the present carefully in the palms of my hand. “What is it?” I said looking up at her.

“Open it,” She winked.

I took a deep breath and pulled the top off of the decorated present box. A silver ring with a tiny diamond sat preciously in the holder. My heart skipped a beat. I closed my eyes. ‘It feels like…we’re married’ i heard his voice repeat in my head. On the inside of the band there was a small inscription. It read ‘forever yours. forever young’. I hastily slid the ring on my ring finger. It fit perfectly.

Kylie jumped up from the couch and grabbed my hand. She examined the ring closely and then pulled me in her arms. “It’s official! Now, no future Harry fan could ever take your place. You’re engaged!”

The word ran through my head. Harry had made his way quietly down the stairs to see my reaction. He cleared his throat and winked at me as he walked past us to the door. The doorbell rang as soon as he got there, he pulled the door open. A few fluries of old snow rushed inside and Simon Clover stood on the inside of the doorstep.

“Shut the door for me lad. It’s bloody cold out there.” Simon croaked. Harry closed the door. Simon removed his long black pea coat and hung it on the coat rack. He brushed the snow out of his hair. “Sorry mum,” He apologetically said to Kylies mom. She responded with a forced smile.

“This is my manager, Auntie” Harry explained.

Simon made his way over to Kylie’s mom and shook her hand. “Simon Clover. Synergie records. Nice to meet you. Lovely home you have ‘ere.”

She smiled. “Well, i do try.”

“And you succeed” he retorted. Kylie raised her eyebrow and her cheeks flushed. He was clearly flirting with her mother, she cleared her throat causing Simon to turn to her. “You must be Kylie. Harry told me all about you.” Simon prompted. “Spitting image of your mum. You’re a true beaut indeed. I might be able to launch you in the modeling business if we play our cards right with Mr. Styles, here.”

Kylie rolled her eyes. “You and Harry are bffl now? No, sorry, not interested.”

Simon chuckled. “Feisty too. No matter. Your cousin will be rich soon enough. You’ll want to share in your own fame too. Just you wait.”

I bit my lip. Simon looked out the corner of his eye toward my direction and then he completely turned around as if he missed something. “My, my. You must be darling Aana.” He said, slowly approaching me. “Stunning as ever, although alittle chubbier than i imagined. No matter, nothing a bit of hollywood cardio can’t fix…”

Kylie gasped. I lowered my head.

“She’s fine the way she is, sir” I heard Harry pitch in.

“Perfect, actually” Kylie’s mom added.

“And brilliant, too” Kylie piped.

Simon turned to them and raised his eyebrows slightly. “Yes, yes, she is a beaut but she’s a bit too chubby and thats the truth.”

I cleared my throat. My voice was small. “Too chubby to be with Harry…?” I questioned.

Simon rubbed at his chin. “Well, realistically-“

“What’s the nature of your business, anyway, Mr. Clover? I thought they weren’t due to leave until tomorrow.” Kylie’s mom said, her arms were folded against her chest, her lips were pursed.

“Right then. Theres more snow for the new york forecast for tomorrow and, honestly, christmas is a bit too busy anyway. So I’ve come to pick them up today.  By the way, Harry,” Simon said winking in Harry’s direction, “I see shes gotten the ring. Great choice. I hope i sent you enough.”

Harry dug in his pocket and pulled out a large stack of money. “Actually, sir, you gave me more than enough. Thank you.”

Simon’s brows drew together. “Ehrm…why are giving me back the money. It’s yours, lad.”

“But i didn’t even-“

“YOU HEARD THE MAN, IT’S YOURS !” Kylie hushed Harry.

Simon laughed and clapped his hands together. “Well now, i certainly do hope to be a pest but i hope your bags are packed munchkins. We have a bit of a ride to leguardia airport in the limo.”

The room got quiet. Kylie tied her shoelaces and made her way to the stair case. “Gee mister. You really know how to ruin christmas. Everyone is packed, ill bring the suit cases down.”

Simon sighed. “Would you like to ride with us?” He directed towards Kylies mom.

“No.” She said flatly.

Harry made his way over to me. I grabbed at his sleeve and we formed a small huddle.

“Babe, you are not chubby. You are beautiful.” He automatically started.

I sighed. “I know what i am, Harry, i’m chubby. If i wasn’t he would have offered me to model too. Look. I’m afraid of heights Harry. I don’t think i can do this. I cant board that plane. Maybe i’ll just stay here with your Aunt and-“

“Ready!” Kylie called from the front of the house. She was already at the door with all of our luggage. Harry pulled me towards the door too where Kylies mother waited. I sighed. I wasn’t ready for another emotional episode. I was never well at saying goodbye. We all shared a giant hug. Small sobbs escaped from her. Kylie started crying too and Harry bit at his lip. I tried to be the strong one but my lip quivered too.

“Mom,” i mused, through the quivering of my voice, “We’ll be back soon, in Another December.”

She nodded and kissed my forehead. We made our way out the door. A man dressed in black loaded our luggage into the limo and escorted us inside. I could see Simon still standing in the doorway of Kylie’s home talking with Kylie’s mother. She held a folder that Simon opened. He leafed through a couple of pages. He signed some, and she signed some. Within five minutes the deal was sealed, Harry now legally belonged to Synergie records. Simon shook her hand and made his way to the car. He grabbed at the neck of his coat to keep himself warm. She waved out at us. We pressed our faces to the tinted glass like lost puppies. The car door slammed and we drove away from our former lives.

Chapter 11

The car ride to laguardia airport was extremely quiet and slow. After what seemed like forever, Simon turned on some classical music. We groaned. Even the driver clenched the steering wheel a little tighter.

“Fine.” Simon laughed and turned his music off. “Harry. Sing.”

“Oh…no thankyou, sir.” Harry rushed.

“That wasn’t a question.” Simon retorted.

Harry flushed. His cheeks were the brightest of red. He cleared his throat. Simon tapped his foot impatiently.

“Waiting…” Simon prodded.

Harry wrapped his arm around me. “Twinkle twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are.” He began. “Up above the world so high, like a diamond in the sky.” He continued. His voice melodically filled the air. My ring sparkled. Harry winked and pulled me closer. “Twinkle twinkle little star, how i wonder what you are.” He finished.

Simon leaned back, he folded his arms into his lap and smiled. “Excellent.” We rounded the airport and my stomach turned. I took my time getting out of the limo and i trailed behind the rest while i rolled my luggage into the airport. A flight attended aided us as we skipped the line through baggage check, metal detectors, and flight scheduling. Everyone stared at us. Simon had his sunglasses on in an effort to conceal his identity, but that didnt help—people already had the gist that we were ‘important’.

The moment of truth came when it was time to board first class in the plane.

“uh uh.” I said.

“Come on, babe.” Harry coaxed. An amused smile was spread across his lips. “You look so cute when you’re terrified.” He added.

“i can’t. i can’t do this. i don’t like heights.” I pleaded.

Harry rolled his eyes. “I didn’t think i would have to resort to this.” Harry picked me up and put me on his back. I heard random people chuckling at us.

“ohhh goddd” i groaned, burrying my face in his hoody.

“You did this to yourself.” He laughed. “If we wouldve been normal famous people, we couldve boarded first class nice and easily. But no, Aana Styles must always make everything into an adventure.” He continued.

“Styles?” I groaned even more.

“It’s growing on me. Look.”

I looked up. We were on the plane. I slid off his back and dug my nails into his sleeve.

“Don’t worry.” He winked.

A flight attendant showed us to our seats that were positioned right next to Simon and Kylie. Tears filled my eyes. I could not believe i was doing this.

“Hey, don’t worry, i said.” Harry Whispered in my ear. He held my hand. I turned to him for support. Twenty minutes passed and Simon’s impatient foot tapping started up again. After another five minutes he looked at his watch and sighed.

“Would you get this bloody contraption off the ground already! I have appointments to make. Do you people know who i am?” Simon threatened angrily. It was if he had said the magic words. Three minutes later the plane started rumbling. My stomach turned as we picked off the ground.

“Oh dear god,” I whimpered. Harry winked at me and slipped his headphones on my head. He switched his ipod to ‘iris’ our favorite song and grabbed my hand again. His head bopped slowly to the song as if he could hear it too, but he knew it so well, so perfectly that he didnt need headphones. I relaxed again. My eyes closed and i rested my head on his shoulder.

“I love you too.” i whispered. I could feel his breath caught in his chest, and his heart beat race. And then he rubbed at the ring on my finger…

 Chapter 12

“wakey wakey.”

The words seemed to echo in the background of my head.

“Aanaaa. wakey wakey sleeping beauty.”

I heard a small chuckle as my eyes slightly opened. Where was i again? And why were my ears so sweaty. Then i remembered.

“The plane!” I shouted and dug my nails into the nearest arm rest.

“Aana!” I heard a husky voice melodically call. “It’s over. We’re on the ground.”

I was on edge. I looked around at the starring faces. The flight attendant, Simon, Kylie, and Harry all surrounded me, peering down at me as if they were worried.

I took a deep breath and noticed that Harry’s head phones hung securely around my neck and my ring sparkled brighter than ever. I grabbed Harry’s face in my hands and kissed him for dear life. Simon cleared his throat and Kylie whistled. I didn’t care that people were watching us. I felt Harry smile into the kiss and i felt his arm wrap around the small of my back as he edged me closer into his seat.

“Alright.” Simon interrupted. “Enough. Your raging hormones can wait.”

I pulled away from Harry. He looked up at his manager and blushed. “Sorry sir-“

“It was my fault.” I finished. “I’m just happy to be on the ground.” And with that i mustered the courage to stand and to get the hell off of the plane. I still felt a little dizzy but i didnt let that detract from the immutable elation that i felt in my heart. The sky was blue, the air was crisp, everything felt amazing. Los Angeles. We had made it, Harry had made it…i made it. I made it away from the abuse, the monotony, the judgement. I could start fresh and everything could be happy and perfect. My life was now a paramount purpose.

“Whatcha looking at babe.” Harry’s voice resonated in my ear. My heart skipped when he wrapped his arm around my waist.

I bit my lip, my smile broadened and i turned to him. His dimples concaved into my favorite smile. “The brightest star in the sky, my future.”

Harry turned a slight shade of pink and kissed my forehead. “I just love you so much” i heard him murmur under his breath.
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————
I ran my finger down the polished refreshment table. A noticeable squeak escaped from the action. The extremely emmaculate studio reminded me of Kylie’s home. Harry reached for a strawberry donut from behind me. Simon slapped his hand away.

“What do you think you’re doing?” I heard Simon say in a low growl.

Harry’s eyebrows rose. “Ehrm…”

Simon rolled his eyes and took a deep breath.  “Donuts are fattening. You need to be health conscious now, boy. You can’t just go eating everything that you see.” Simon poked Harry’s abs. “These need to stay intact. Do you understand?”

Harry nodded and Simon disappeared into the crowd of people wearing noise-canceling headphones and carrying clipboards.

I turned to Harry and slipped my hand up his shirt.

“Aana,” Harry whispered, “what are you doing?”

“You know, i never really paid much attention to these. They’re…sexy.” I whispered back.

Harry bit his lip and i stood on my tippy toes to lean in for a kiss.

“Sir.”

Harry slightly pushed me away and whirled around. He cleared his throat and smiled. “Hmm?”

“It’s time for you to go practice in the music studios.”

Harry eyed the fellow talking to him. He was dressed in all black with ‘Syco’ printed in white on the left side of his chest. It was actually quite hilarous how prim and proper this guy was.

“I thought we were already in the studios?” Harry prodded.

“We are in the studios. There a music studios built into the studio studio. Here’s your food, Sir.”

Harry stared at the cantine and finally took it into his own hands. He unscrewed the cap and sniffed at the contents. Reluctantly he took a swig. A twisted expression on his face follwed by a “ah crap!” clearly showed his discontent.

“It’s hot.” The guy in the ‘Syco’ uniform announced.

“Now you tell me. What the hell is this!” Harry gaped.

“Your food, sir. 0 calorie, 0 sodium soup. As ordered by Simon. It’s for your diet.”

I rolled my eyes and Harry shot me the ‘i don’t want to be here anymore’ look. I held his hand.

“Time to go.” The man announced.

“Wait i just want to-” i leaned into Harry for a kiss, Harry leaned back but was pulled away.

“Time to go Mr. Styles. You’ll meet plenty more girls very soon.”

Harry yanked his arm back slightly. “Thats MY fiance.” He urged.

Yet the man was taller, stronger, and bulkier than Harry and all he could do was get dragged along.

This, was fame.

Chapter 13

I turned away from Harry as our eyes failed to meet. I didn’t care to watch him being strung along by business; to innately know that by fate his talent would inevitably change us. Leaning on the table for support allowed me to drop my head as i blinked away my fears that would manifest themselves into tears. I sighed as i heard Kylie’s voice in my head, shaking me to get a hold of myself. My body jerked. Where exactly was Kylie? If i found her time would elapse and hours without Harry would feel like minutes. I backed away from the table and the back of my head received a sharp jolt.  I clutched at it immediately. “Owwie”, i heard myselef whisper.

“I’m sorry little lady” i heard a boyish voice chuckle. I turned to greet a blonde haired boy with a wooden broom. “You backed up into my sweeper.” He laughed softly yet again.

‘Sweeper’? A smile formed on my lips. “I’m Aana.”

The boy remained quiet and swept in small circles. With his head lowered i could see a bigger smile form across his lips. Finally he looked me squarely in the eyes, as his grey eyes seemed to sparkle. “I’m aware of that, miss.”

My lips parted in shock for a split second. “H-how?” I managed to stutter.

The boy smiled deeper. “Isn’t it obvious? You’re here with Mr. Styles.”

‘Mr. Styles’ I whispered to myself. We had managed to stand on Los Angeles soul for less than two hours and already Harry was known amongst his staff. But how ever could I be included within Harry’s association if no one even knew that i… “I’m not a groupie!” I blurted out. My eyes widened.

The boy stared and a cute laugh escaped him. He snorted. “You’re too pretty to be just a groupie, miss.”

My face grew hot as i felt that i was blushing. Once again my chocolate-brown skin hid my true reactions. I folded my arms against my chest. The boy beamed. He looked no older than 17 yet his flirting hit me as if he had stolen some cheekiness from Harry.

The boy sighed. “I’m Alexander. Feel free to call me Lex, Alex, or just ‘boy’. ‘Boy’ is fine, really. That’s what everyone around here calls me anyway. ‘Hey boy i spilled some Latte’ or more like ‘Boy did you get those documents faxed?’” He laughed softly again.

I bit my lip. “Alex”, i said to myself. For some reason his name fit him and felt like honey on my tongue. “Shouldn’t a young boy like you be in school or studying or something?”

Alex scoffed. “How young do you think i am, miss?”

I switched my mouth to one side and my eyebrows drew together in contemplation. “I dunno…17 at oldest.”

Alex’s eye filled with amusement, almost as if a wiser man watching an infant learning to crawl. “I’m 20.”

Again my lips parted. “But …i thought,” i whispered softly. “You’re so cute for your age.” i felt myself say. I mentally slapped myself immediately after these words left my lips. It must feel insulting, after all, for a grown, working, man to have to hear that he still looks like a rebellious youth. Or maybe not? I was hoping he took it as a compliment and not the former.

Alex lowered his head and for a minute he swept at nothing. When he raised his head again his eyes were filled with an emotion that i quite couldn’t read. He bit his lip softly and a tiny piece of his blonde hair fell into his eyes. Goosebumps rose on the back of my arms. He was extremely handsome, despite his young appearance. “You’re cute too, Aana.”

My heart sped. “W-who are you?”

Alex continued to sweep. “I told you. I’m Alex. I work here. I’m 20.” He paused and smirked silently. “And if you’re wondering how i know your name everyone is aware that you’re the fiance of Harry Styles. It’s pretty rare that you’re here. I’m sure you realize that. Mostly, celebritity wives stay at home. You know? Well not…at ‘home’ as if they’re some kind of …maid or nanny. But, well, i guess who ever is famous in the relationship, their partner doesn’t usually tag along always.”

I balled my hands into fists and rolled my eyes. “Is that what everyone thinks of me? I’m not just some tag along. I can make my own future here, too, you know. I’m not just some…sit-around groupie or something. I’m not even with him now…”

“Woah woah.” Alex corrected. “I know a good-for-nothing when i see one, and you’re not it.”

“Then what am i to you people?!” I countered.

“Well,” Alex started. Once again he brought his eyes to mine and my voice seemed to be hushed by an exchange of a frenzy of thoughts. “To them, to those clip-board people and those producers and song writers circulating all over the place,” he pointed in the direction of the hectic crowd of people in black shirts, “To them you’re just ‘a girl’ that Styles is fixated with at the moment. To them you can, and will, be replaced as his popularity and his fame rises.”

The words stung but i knew they were the truth. “But to put it so bluntly-“

“-This is a blunt industry, a blunt business. You’re not in Kansas anymore, love.”

I swallowed hard and clenched my fists tighter. “Okay…i get it.”

Alex shrugged and began to walk away, hauling his gigantic broom with him.

“I get it.” I repeated, causing him to stop in his tracks. “I get that i’ll just have to prove them wrong. That i’m here to stay. That i’m not just Harry’s little…toy. That i can’t be replaced. I’ll do it, and then i’ll brag about it and act like a bitch just because they didn’t believe in me. That includes you too.”

“I never said…” Alex sighed playfully. “I never said you were just ‘a girl’… to me.”

I felt my face get hot again as Alex fully turned around and began to approach me. We stood separated by his broom and he slightly towered over me in height.

“I like you, Aana. You’ve got this…astounding fire in your eyes. It draws me in,” he whispered.

I starred up at him. He was unbelievably hot, even while being so close. Dare i say it, he seemed flawless.

“Tell you what,” The low tone of his voice rang in my body, “I get off at 7. How about you and i go for some late night coffee at this little cafe around the-“

“She’ll be there.” I heard Kylie’s voice enthuse.

 Alex whizzed around and  i peeked from behind him. “And you are?”

Kylie rolled her eyes and grabbed my arm, pulling me from behind Alex. “I’m her best friend. Thats all you need to know.”

Alex lifted his head slightly and then smiled as his eyes pierced into Kylie’s. “Kylie, i presume. Am i right?”

“How did you-“

“Magic.” Alex responded. “So Aana-“

“Well,” I heard Kylie retort, “Aana and i need more friends in this place. We can’t just expect to cling to Harry like endangered species. I think it’s a perfect idea.”

“But i…” My lips pressed together and i twiddled my hair in between my thumbs. “I don’t want Harry to get the wrong idea. Why don’t you go Kylie? You’re single and Harry wont mind…”

“But i’m not interested in getting to know Kylie. I want to know you.” Alex said nonchallantly. “Besides, it’s just friendly coffee. It’s not like it’s a date or anything. Plus, Harry will be too busy or too tired to notice anyway so you really should become more sociable. It’s in your best interest, love.”

“Thats not true. Harry will spend lots of time with me after wok and he’ll tell me about his day and we’ll laugh and cry and have fun together. It’ll be fine.” I said softly.

Alex shrugged. “If you say so. Either way, i’ll be waiting for you outside the studios at 8-ish. Your choice. If you don’t show then i guess it’ll be safe to assume that you don’t want to be friends, yes?”

“I wont show.” I said firmly.

Alex laughed softly and hauled his broom away with him and eventually he disappeared amongst the crowd.

I starred at the ground for awhile until i heard Kylie stamp her feet.

“Ugh!! Did you see how he rejected me?! Am i loosing my charm or something? I didn’t even flirt with him yet and he turns me down! What is WRONG with him, doesn’t he have eyes!?” Kylie raged on through her temper tantrum.

I grabbed her arm and her chest heaved up and down with anger. “Don’t let this place change you,” i pressed.

Kylie’s eyes widened and she pouted her ruby lips. “You’re right! Anyway, forget about that loser. We have things to do. While he carries his little broom i carry the keys to our sanctuary! Literally!” Kylie reached into her jeans pocket and dangled two sets of keys infront of my eyes. “Simon gave this to me a few minutes ago and told me to go find you. He said it’s the keys to our Hotel rooms. Can you believe it? I get my own room and you and Harry get one too!”

I snatched a set of keys from her in disbelief. Attatched to the chain was a tiny silver tag with lazer engravement etched on its surface. It read ‘Harry/Aana 307’. “This is for the Hotel we passed before entering the studio’s?”

Kylie nodded, a smile formed on her face.

I gulped, my heart raced. “The big one?”

Her smile broadened.

“With the balcony’s and the revolving doors?”

Kylie squealed and jumed up and down. I breathed out. My head was spinning. I had yet to consider the luxary, aside from the pain, accompanied with fame. “Come on! Come on! Come on!” She squealed. Kylie pulled me away from the deserted refreshment table. Bewildered, and curious, i simply followed.
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

“I CAN KEEP ALL OF THESE ?!” Kylie shrieked. Although we each had separate suite’s our doors remained wide open as we each ventured through the miny palace. I heard frantic footsteps as Kylie rushed into my doorway holding an elegant ballgown. “Check your closet. Holy shit. Check your fucking closet. Theres like this note shit from Simon saying stuff..and blah! Whatever! The point is that we have a closet full of new clothes that we can keep and ughhhh! This is insane!”

Kylie threw her dress on the nearest arm chair and ran to the bedroom. I follwed at her heels. She threw open the closet doors and gaped. “YOU HAVE MORE THAN ME!” She announced while sifting through the seemingly endless amount of hangers. She pulled out a crop shirt and held it to her. A sigh escaped her. She turned to me, her eyes pleading.

I rolled my eyes. “Take it.”

“Thank you! Now i’m gonna leave before you take it back, bye!” And with that Kylie clumsily fled suite 307.

I plopped on the bed and curled up to a pillow. My shoes were still on as my feet dangled over the edge of the bed. A few passing breaths lulled me gently to sleep, the thing that i was best at.
Minutes later I heard the front door slam and i jolted out of my dreams. I looked up at the clock. It was a quarterpast 7. Harry staggered towards me.

“Harry.” I felt my heart beat race. I jumped on him and restled him into bed. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Harry smiled and pinned me down while pressing his lips firmly to mines. “That was how i wanted to kiss you earlier but the big mean security guard wouldn’t let me.”

I melted at his cuteness. Harry collapsed on a pillow as i hovered over him. “Oh Harry,” I whispered to myself.

“Oh Aana.” He whispered back with his eyes closed and a smile spread across his lips.

“Tell me about your day babe.” I enthused.

Harry lay there silently for a while before saying, “Could you flick off the lamp for me please, beautiful?”

I did and we were welcomed by the warm, dim glow of the bedroom mood light.

“So?” I pressed.

Harry sighed and clutched tightly at his pillow. “I’m just so tired babe. I’m so sorry. Tomorrow. Please?” He whispered.

I hovered closer into the crook of his neck. I bit my lip. “O-okay Babe. I love you so much.”

I waited for his response but he was already fast asleep. My stomach turned as i thought about Alex’s words and the confidence he seemed to display. Then i thought about Alex. A ticking clock made the minutes of silence feel like an eternity. I felt myself climb to the edge of the bed and eventually stand as i began to prepare myself for a bath. The water ran. I gingerly dipped my feet in and adjusted to the stinging heat. Why did Alex know mine and Kylie’s name? And, most importantly, why did he know my status in relationship to Harry. A clock signaled for the turning of a new hour. It was already 8 pm. I sighed and emerged from my bath.
Friends…Friends were nice to have in a new place, i reasoned to myself as i rummaged through the vast closet. I chose a simple black dress and a simple pair of wedged heels—shoes that i could manage. Friends hang out and friends talk and they know stuff about eachother. Befriending Alex was my only intent. I loved Harry. I felt the need to say it aloud.

“I love you Harry.” I announced. His body rose and fell with each of his passing breaths. I sighed and grabbed my keys from off of the vanity and left my sleeping boy, in my beautiful suite, to go make ‘friends’ with a gorgeous, cheeky, janitor guy. Everything about it felt wrong. Getting on the elevator felt wrong. Walking through the decadent lobby to the entrance, felt wrong. Leaving the hotel felt wrong. Walking across the street to the front of the studio’s felt even worse. But seeing Alex, leaning against a lampost, texting on his phone with his beautiful face illuminated by the glare, everything suddenly seemed extraordinarily perfect.

I stood there for a moment, pondering how i would greet him. A casual ‘hey’ or would i, instead, just simply utter his name? My worries subsided when Alex raised his head from his phone and saw me.

“Aana.” He breathed. “You look stunning. I thought you said you wouldn’t show.”

I looked down and clutched at my arm.

Alex half smiled and he began to fiddle with his phone again. “I’m just turning it off” he murmured.

I stayed quiet for a second but then curiousity got the best of me. “Why?..” I whispered.

“Huh?” He lifted his head. “Oh. Because its rude, silly. I want to focus on you tonight. Not this thing.” He said waving his blackberry in the air. “Although i do adore it, it can wait.” He added as the screen went black.

“How was your day?” I fished around for a common topic. I expected him to give me a broad answer like ‘fine’ or ‘okay’, just anything to ease my own nerves.

“It was productive. I got a lot of work done. I worked on a few new beats that we’ll be incorporating into Harry’s demo. Him and i were literally in the same room yet we barely talked. Everyone is pretty tired but it was fun.” He mused. “And yourself?”

We began to walk. My eyebrows drew together and i turned slightly in his direction. “I thought you were a janitor?”

Alex chuckled softly. “Nah. I do a bit of everything and anything when i’m in the studio’s. I have many talents.” He winked.

I turned my face and felt myself blush again. “If you’re so tired,” i started “then i think you should be asleep. Harry is.”

Alex walked up ahead of me and i struggled to catch up. He turned around and slid his hand into mine. “I can sleep when i die, slowpoke. Now lets hurry, we’re running out of night time.”

I starred at our joined hands under the illumination of the street lamps. Alex stared too. “Friends hold hands too, you know.” He said, turning his head as a bright pink blush filled his cheeks.

I laced my fingers through his. Somehow, every bad feeling seemed to disappear…

Chapter 14

It was a short walk but Alex was an impacient person. By the time we rounded the corner of the cafe i was short of breath and my feet were aching.

“You can’t tell a girl in heels to run,” i said crossly.

Alex snorted. “Those are baby heels, darling.”

I yanked my hand out of his and folded my arms. “If you’re going to insult me then i’m going to turn right back around and-“

Alex easily slid his hand back into mine. “Aana, please. You need to stop trying to find reasons not to be around me.”

I stared into his eyes for a moment but before completely losing myself i felt a daring half smile edge across my lips and spread into the left corner of my cheek. “You’re cocky.” I simply said.

“And you like it. ” He countered.

My smile faded into embarrassment. I looked at our joined hands again, palm to palm, finger tip to finger tip. I let him gently pull me around the corner to a tiny cafe illuminated by fairy-lights. Vines covered around the battered brick entrance and the lights twinkled and dipped like christmas ornaments. We had stopped moving entirely but it still felt as if we were walking on the softest of earth or maybe even clouds. His eyes warmly watched my mixture of emotions. At that moment i seemed to experience everything from amazement to curiousity. “Alex” i breathed.

“Wait.” He winked. “This isn’t even the best part.”

Anxiously we entered the endearing little cafe. It was far from empty and the sound of chatter and hushed laughter filled my ears as the invigorating scent of baked goods invaded my nose. “oh my.” I whispered to myself. I had only dreamed about places like this. In a world where technology and industrial factories and skyscrappers dominated, it was absolutely astonishing to
come across places like this that seemed immutable by time yet still lovely in its lack of modern identity.

“Here” i heard Alex call. I had failed to realize that i had drifted off into my own thoughts again. Alex stood behind a wooden chair with careful designs chisseled into its frame. I approached the seat across from him when i was stopped by his glare.

“What are you doing?” He snapped.

A puzzled look etched across my face causing Alex to shake his head with bitter amusement.

“Aana,” He said softly, “I’m holding this chair out for you, beautiful.”

My legs turned to jello beneath me and in an instant i was immobile. An elderly couple seated next to me burst out into a soft chuckle together but i hadn’t realized they were laughing at me until i followed Alex’s eyes and realized that they were turned towards me, watching my every move. I covered my face in embarrassment and i felt the heat rush to my cheeks. I had every intention to run away until a gentle arm reassured me. I peaked between a crack that i made in between my fingers.

This time the elderly man himself only chuckled. He peered into my uncovered eye and whispered “Go ahead Dear, don’t keep your prince waiting for you.”

I felt my heart rate calm but i flushed even more. Yet instill i found the courage to remove my hands from my face. Little by little my feet shuffled forward, almost as if they were propelled by the elder’s words. I sat in front of Alex as he gladly pushed my chair in and joined me on the other side of the wooden table. Alex stared at me and i looked away and swung my legs back and forth. I was almost certain that this time he coul see the slight change of tint within my cheeks. Half shameless and half embarrassed i finally turned my head and made eye contact with him. His chin rested in the palm of his hand. The way he looked at me was more than overwellming. It was more than just the simple ‘wow your stunning’ look that Harry gave me. It seemed, to me, that his look was filled with something more than even love itself. His eyes seemed to say to me ‘who am i, and who are you, and who are we together?’. I hated how i was already comparing him to Harry. I hated myself for slightly crushing on Alex. But the way he looked at me seemed to seal my fate. I was going to fall for this boy before i could catch myself.

“Aana,” Alex whispered. “You remind me of a waterfall.” He answered before i could respond.

I smiled. “Getting all poetic in an attempt to woo me, huh?” I joked.

“Woo?” Alex said, bewildered. His eyebrows drew together in confusion as he threw me the ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’ look.

“I’m sorry!” I blurted out. “I…it was stupid of me to even joke like that. It’s not like any and every attractive man wants me in his bed. I got lucky with Harry. I still have no idea what he see’s-“

“No it’s not that.” Alex interrupted. “It’s just.” Alex leaned forward and the flame danced dangeously close to his countenance. “If i wanted to just sleep with you then we wouldn’t be here.”

I shook my head. “Duh, i get it. I’m sorry.”

Alex blinked. “I don’t think you do.” He said simply. “This place is special to me. If i just wanted to fuck you i wouldn’t wine and dine you. I’d throw you some cheap lines and take you back to my condo. I wouldn’t be sitting here allowing you to stop me layer by layer and to dissect my emotions, my feelings. That’s what you’re doing to me now, because that’s what i’m doing to you. Aana, when a guy truly cares about you, or wants to care about you,  he makes an unbelievable effort and doesn’t care how desperate he may appear. So don’t you ever say that i just want you for one thing and one thing only. It’s an insult to my true intentions.”

His words made me numb, in an unbearably beautiful way. Alex backed away as the waiter placed two cups of green tea in front of us. Alex carefuly sipped his tea. His lips puckered to blow softly on the tiny china. When he had had enough he gingerly placed the tea back onto the saucer.

“What are your intentions.” I finally said.

“What are yours?” He retorted, daringly.

The waiter approached our table again and smiled. The white pad in his had various different scribbles on it. “Okay sir i assumed you wanted your usual so its on the house for you and your guest.”

“Thank you Lionel” Alex piped.

“No problem sir. Will there be anything else?”

Alex contemplated. “Star-cake, please?” He finally said.

“Will that be one or two?” The waiter asked. Suddenly him and Alex quickly locked eyes and the waiter nodded. “Your order will be ready shortly.” Lionel said and stalked off.

My eyebrows furrowed. “What was that about?”

“Hmmmmm?” Alex said crossing his hands and smiling.

“Where are you from?” I felt the sudden need to ask.

“The questions, Aana.” Alex joked. “The tea gave it away, yes?” His melodically laugh gentily filled our space and my heart. “My parents were born in London. I was born here.”

I had a terrible fancy for british boys and this sudden realization i not make circumstances between Alex and i any better. “You’re bluffing” i challenged, “Where’s your accent? I mean, even if you’re not directly from England your parents are and therefore you should have picked up their accent.” i added.

Once again Lionel approached our table. Alex raised wiggled his eyesbrows. “Oh Ahna yew mean this oksunt here?” Alex smiled and turned to him. “Thanks agen mate for the tea.”

My lips parted. His accent was authentic. It wasn’t some crappy movie accent that was half right and half annoying. “E—ehrm..” i stuttered. I adverted my attention instead to the star-shaped- cake with two candles wedged into its vanilla frosting. “A birthday cake?”

“Bleh.” Alex stuck his tongue out, opposingly. “Birthdays are for those who believe in growing old. This cake is for anyone who wants to make a wish. Because why should anyone have to wait for 11:11, or a shooting star, or their birthday to make a proper wish? Wishes should be allowed any day, everyday.”

I smiled and leaned into the cake a little. “This sounds like you, something you would think of. You’re so impulsive and impacient. It’d be like you to make something like this just because you can’t wait.”

Alex beamed. “Why wait around for the joy’s of life when they’re always at your reach? You don’t have to sit around, taking breaths to die when instead you could be dying in your happiness.”

My smile deepened. I already loved listening to him reason and ramble. It was almost as if i could feel his thoughts culminating within his beautiful mind. “Well then, lets make a wish.”

Alex nodded. I closedmy eyes tight for a few seconds and blew out my candle. When i opened my eyes Alex sat still in front of his. The flame flickered strongly, almost as if daring to be blown out.

“Aana,” Alex talked against the flame. “I have a question.”

“Okay. Shoot.” I said curiously.

“Aana, is it okay if i see you again tomorrow?” Alex asked hesitantly.

I paused an then smiled. “Well, yes, sure, why not?”

Alex nodded. “And can i see you the day after tomorrow?”

I, too, nodded. “Okay. Sure.”

“And the day after that? And the day after that? And after that? Until forever?” He said lowly.

I gulped. I didn’t know what to say because i honestly didn’t know what i wanted. Almost as if in response to my questions, Alex smiled. “You always try to say and do what’s ‘right’ for you and for the people you care about and that’s commendable but it doesn’t always truly make you happy. You’re the one who has to live your life in your body with your heart and your mind and your thoughts. Dying as the ‘good person’ isn’t the same as dying truly happy and satisfied-“

I squeezed my eyes tight and banged my hand on the table. “This isn’t fair. Yes. Yes to every day, until forever. Yes, okay? Yes. I want you in my life, Alex, for as long as i can keep you here.”

Alex smiled again. His hand reached from under the table and rest ontop of mines. He blew out his candle. Suddenly i realized that i was his wish, but i had wished for a long life with Harry. My stomach turned.

My eyes were getting heavy from lack of sleep and it felt like my body was running on exhaust energy “Hey, i’m getting kinda tired Alex.” i yawned.

Alex called Lionel over and had our cakes individually packaged. We both gratefully thanked him and got ready to leave the shop. Alex rushed infront of me to hold the door open. On my way out i passed the table of the elderly couple but this side i was on the side of the woman. She stopped me and motioned for me to come closer. I leaned into her and she whispered in my ear. “You know, dear, love comes out of no where and makes you feel amazing more than it makes you feel horrible,” She paused. I thought about Harry and i smiled. “But True Love,” she sighed, “True Love hits you and it hurts and it’s overwhelming and it makes you feel rotten and whole all at once. True love is the rarest of its kind, but anyone…anyone can fall in plain love.” I looked up at Alex who had his head turned away. A welcoming breeze blew his hair and brushed against my skin giving me goose bumps, almost as if a sign from heaven.

I thanked the elders and exited the cafe. We had a silent walk home. Alex held my hand and dropped me off in front of the hotel.

“Goodnight.” I waved and motioned towards the hotel.

“Wait,” Alex said, grabbing me by my wrist and pulling me in my arms. I clung tightly to my  packaged cake and pressed my face into Alex’s neck. He craddled my head in his free arm. I heard his heart race. Goosebumps formed on my skin once again as i felt how soft and milky his skin was. I wanted to kiss the tiny crevice inbetween his jaw and his adams apple. “Tomorrow is another day. We usually take off early on Friday’s. You should spend some time with me.” he suggested. “Until then, goodnight Aana,” he whispered. We stood there for a second longer and then he let go of me. I staggered back alittle and managed to find my way to my hotel room, half drained and half giggly. The cake found its place in the mini fridge and i found mine next to Harry in bed. Sleep overcame me.
—————
I woke hours later to melodic humming that of course belonged to my boy. I jumped up like an excited child on christmas morning and ran to the bathroom. Harry dropped his washcloth and i held him tightly in my arms.

“Someone’s chipper.” Harry chuckled.

I smoothed my hair behind my ear and watched Harry get ready. “Harry,” i squealed.

“Yes wife?” He winked.

I bit my lip. “Harry do you want to go out today and just spend time together, wandering around aimlessly?”

Harry squinted his eyes and began to button up his crisp shirt. “I can’t i have work today.”

“But it’s friday.” I added.

“And?” Harry smirked.

“And, i was told that on Friday you can take off earlier.” I countered.

“Aana,” Harry started, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

My heart dropped slightly. I tried to not focus on the negatives and instead moved to plan B. I grabbed the cake from the mini fridge and cheerfully shoved it into Harry’s arms. “I saved it for you!” I squealed.

Harry opened the box and smiled. “Awh babe, you know you shouldn’t have. This is so cute. But i can’t eat this remember i have to stick to my diet?”

“Not even one bite?” I pouted.

“Na-uh.” Harry whispered. “But if you eat it i’ll feel equally as better because it’ll be just like i’m eating it, since we’re connected.”

I sighed.

“I’m sorry.” He said, placing my hand on his shoulder. “Hey, why don’t you do something with Kylie today instead? I promise i’ll join you two tomorrow if you want.”

“It’s alright.” I said. “I have back-up plans.”

Harry glanced at me and continued to comb his fingers through his curly locks. “With who?”

“A friend.” I retorted, crossing my arms.

“Who is he?” Harry slightly demanded.

I paused.  “Why does it have to be a he?”

“Aana…” Harry pressed.

“Fine, fine. It’s Alex.”

“Oh,” Harry snorted. “It’s fine. But i don’t trust him. Don’t let me change the way you feel about him though. You two just don’t seem like the type that would make good friends. He’s sort’ve…arrogant. But anyway babe, you have a nice day,” he said leaning down to kiss me on my forehead. “And i will see you later.”

Harry grabbed his songbook and hurried out the door. It slammed behind him. It bothered me how Harry forgot to say “I love you” before he left…

Chapter 15

“‘Don’t let me change the way you feel about him though’” i felt myself angrily repeat Harry’s words. I bit my lip and shut my eyes tight. A few seconds had passed and i decided that it was time to take a big breath and to move the hell on with my day. I refused to literally stand around being angry over something that i couldn’t control. If i got into that habit i would better yet let the world kill me before old age even had a chance to. I had made it up in my mind that i would enjoy L.A with our without Harry by my side. Even better, i would spend time with people that actually cared to make even but a morsel amount of time for me. I noted my cellphone deep in between my clevage, so close to my heart, and every urge to call Alex rang through my body however i realized that i did not have his number. Next to the front door i saw the wireless phone resting on a small table alongside a lamentated list of contacts. I swiftly dashed for the list and ran my fingers down the alphabetically charted names. On the very bottom under “Sal’s pizzeria” read “Syco Studios” in bold print. Before i could think my fingers punched in the number. After two short rings someone picked up the phone.

“Syco Studio’s this is Alex speaking.”
 
My voice shook “A-Alex..” I whimpered.

Despite the noisy background, I heard him breathe into the phone and i could hear him slightly chuckle. “Oh Mrs. Styles,” he said, “Harry is a bit busy, would you care to leave a message?”

“A-Actually… ” I stuttered.

Alex paused. “Okay ma’am please hold a minute while i get a pen.”

My eyebrows furrowed together. “Huh?”

I heard rustling noises and when he picked up the phone again the background was quiet. “Aana”, he melodically called my name.

“Alex…I want to talk to you, not Harry…” I said slowly.

Alex laughed softly again. ” I know that. But i had to get away from all of the nosy people. Anyway. What are you doing you rebel? Harry was less than 5 feet away from me.”

I leaned my back up against the wall and smiled into the phone.

Alex was smiling too. “Where are you now?” He said softly.

“My hotel room. You?”

“Under the front desk.” He laughed.

I giggled softly. “I’m sorry i’ve turned you into a day-time fugitive.”

Alex’s laughter grew. “Anything for you, babe.”

I felt my cheeks heat up and i closed my eyes. I let my thoughts take me back to last night, and our simple first hug with only the slightest of our skin touching. I wanted more of him.

“Aana. I want to see you. I’ll leave right now if you say ‘yes’..” He whispered.

I sighed and a faint smile grew onto my lips “yes, yes, yes, yes-“

The dial tone of the phone cut me off. I hung up slowly and starred at the phone waiting for it to ring again. Two minutes passed and i came to terms with the fact that it wasn’t a mistake that he had hung up. I sighed and looked around the suite. All this beauty and richness ought to kill someone. I began to think how could anyone enjoy fame, and money, and a lavish lifestyle all alone? If this was the case than why be famous at all? Why not broadcast from a drafty basement surrounded by friends and family. Couldn’t it all be the same? These thoughts plagued me almost until i could have missed the slight knock on my door.

I rolled my eyes and unlatched the locks. “What is it ky-” I cut my ownself off. “Alex?” I breathed.

His eyes pierced into mine as he slammed the door behind him.. “Don’t ask any questions.”

I threw my arms around his neck and he lifted my up into his arms as we embraced.

“I missed you so much.” He whispered.

‘I missed you too’ i wanted to say but i could barely control my own emotions at this moment, much less talk.

“You hungry?” Alex said pulling away from me.

I slightly nodded.

Alex smiled. “Okay. I’ll cook you something.” He said and kissed my forehead.

My eyes followed him into the kitchen and then i found my way onto the couch and i collapsed. I started to think about things that shouldn’t cross my mind. I started to imagine a future with Alex and kids with him. I gripped my nails into the couch and bit my lip again when i remembered that i hardly ever thought about my future with Harry. We were stuck in the here and the now and i had never imagined having his kids. I looked up. Alex was now walking towards me with a plate in his hand. I studied his small frame. His tall structure. His carefully shaped face. When he plopped on the couch next to me it felt like a feather had landed on a rock.

“Thanks.” I croaked. I reached out for the plate but Alex pulled it back.

“Say ‘ahh’” he whispered.

I slowly opened my mouth and allowed him to feed me his creation. The familiar taste of eggs and cheeze mixed with bacon bits and basil tantilized my taste buds. My eyes locked into his as i leaned in for another bite. Alex licked his lips as i chewed. For the third bite i got closer. And closer. And closer. Eventually i closed the gap between us. It was 11:11 am and we were two young hearts breathing heavily over a plate of eggs and undeniable urges. Alex reached down and set the plate on the floor. With the back of his hand he wiped the crumbs off of my lips. I leaned closer and pressed my mouth to his neck. He grunted.

“Aana” i heard him say lowly, releasing the full depth of his voice.

I sucked and bit on his neck and rubbed my hands up his shirt. My sexual urges heightened causing me to press my full body to his. Everything from his colar bone up was under attack. I nibbled on the tips of his ear and i kissed along his jawline until i got to the corner of his lips. Like a shark i prepared to attack his lips.

“Aana…” He begged me.

“Yes” i whispered softly into his ear.

“You need to stop.” He said firmly.

I felt my heart drop and i gulped. I backed away from him slowly and smoothed my hair behind my ear. “Right…sorry..” I said softly.

Alex’s face was flushed and he refused to make eye contact. “I-I want this way more than you want it, trust me. And i’ll get it too. But i don’t want this until i make you fully mines. I’m not sharing you with Harry. So…when i finally win, i’ll claim my prize.” He finally looked up at me. “And i will win.”

I crossed my arms. “What are you saying? I’m not some…trophy. You don’t ‘win’ anything. This isn’t a game. My heart isn’t a game.”

“Neither is mine.” Alex countered. “I’m just waiting for Harry to slip up, to lose you. I mean, why else am i here now? It’s because he’s not doing his job. He couldv’e gotten up earlier, went to work earlier, so he could have left earlier. He could have been here with you now, instead of me. He decides his hours you know. Not I. Not Simon. Harry is the product. If he says he’s tired than he has every right to come home, to come back here to you. But he didn’t do that and he wont. You know why i’m here, now? Because i was already planning to see you today. I told you i was taking of early last night. I have no reason to lie to you, to feed you false promises. I want to see you. I want to be with you every second i get. Now i don’t know what’s wrong with Harry but if he can put a ring on your finger than he should have enough decency to hang out with the woman he loves.

Who cares if its his first few days. He was given the rules when he came here. I work just as hard as he does, maybe even harder. I’m like…i’m like the glue to the studio’s. I do alot of shit everyday just to make sure things don’t fall apart. He has no excuses. His job is just to show up and sing and thats it. Thats fucking it. So instead of acting like a ‘Star’ already before his first album even drops, he needs to act like a husband. Saying i love you, and showing it when times really get tough are two different things. We’re all adults here. Those childhood problems that he may have gotten you through, those are done. This is now. He needs to step up and be a man.”

I slightly started to play with my fingers. Alex had a very good point, about everything. There was nothing i could do to fix Harry or to force him to be with me. He had two important responsibilities in his life. Me, and his job, and it shouldv’e always been respectfully in that order. “I remember,” i started, “when he almost called to quit his job, right befor he even started just because he knew i would be unhappy. I mean, i knew what we were getting into. It just…it seems like all the promises he’s forgotten. ‘Forever and Always’ doesnt seem like that anymore.” I felt my eyebrows come together. I reached into my bossom and pulled out my cell and began to dial Harry’s cell number.

“What are you doing?” Alex said.

I pressed my finger lightly to his lips. The phone rang continuously. After the fifth time i began counting. After ten rings someone finally picked up. “Harry” i rushed.


“Harry’s…busy”, A female voice giggled into the phone.

My blood boiled. “WHO IS THIS?!” I demanded.

“Fran-ces-ca” She mouthed out slowly. “Harry’s busy with me now so wait your own turn.”

“What are you doing you slut!” I cried out. My eyes filled with hot, blistering, angry tears.

“I’m a slut but what are you? You’re calling Harry’s phone for the same reason i’m here for Harry, no?” She said bitterly. “You can’t judge what you refuse to admit to..”

 I sighed and i held my stinging tears in. “Do you KNOW who you are talking to? How about you check the caller ID before you mouth off to people that you don’t know.”

Francesca smirked. “Sweety, your number is not saved in this phone.”

I dug my nails deeply into the couch. “Francesca who is that” i heard Harry’s voice call in the background.

“Harry!” I yelled into the phone.

“Oh. it’s no one.” She said. “You look so sexy, you babe” she giggled.

Harry laughed too. “Come back over here,” he said seductively.

I chucked the phone out the open window. I heard it crash along the outside balcony and fall to its doom.

I gritted my teeth together. I was too angry to cry. Apart of me always felt that i was not good enough for Harry and he had just proved me right. I looked to Alex.

Alex stared at me with knowing eyes. He didn’t say ‘i told you so’. He didn’t make a pass at me. He didn’t even make a sarcastic remark. He just gave me that look. The one that said ‘i’m here for you’.

I finally broke down into tears. ” I just..i can’t-” i heaved.

Alex picked my head up and wiped my tears. “You can do anything.” was all he whispered.

Chapter 16

I licked my lips causing me to swallow some of the bitterness. “I’m going to the studio’s, ” I murmured. I rocketed over to the abundantly filled closet and pulled off last nights dress. I didn’t care that Alex may have been watching me. I slid on some designer sweat pants and a plain white Tee shirt. I found Harry’s beat up sneakers and slid them on too in an effort to mark my territory. “You don’t have to come-” I said turning around towards Alex. Before i could finish i heard the gliding of his black hoody being zipped up to his neck and i turned to see his backpack slung across his shoulders.

“Aana”..he softly called to me.

My ears perked up and my heart skipped a beat despite the dangerous fast pace that it was already beating. “Yeah Alex?”

Alex’s jaw clenched and i could see his chest muscles slightly tense. His gaze was dead on, it burned through my soul, my fears, my every uncertainty of the future. “I’m never gonna abandon you, babe.”

I was fast on my feet to close the space between him and i. My fingers seemed to easily glide inbetween the spaces of his. “I believe you.”

Alex’s facial expression seemed to suddenly clash with our sudden decision. His pulse was as strong and as fevorous as my own, we both craved confrontation in a way where we could relieve the very bottled emotions that defined us. But his eyes were vapid, and our body language was hesitant. We both knew that what we wanted was not what was right.

“Aana” Alex mused, almost as if he were in tune to my wavelength of thought.

I answered him by a slight raise of my brow.

“Sometimes what we want isn’t always whats ‘right’. And sometimes what’s ‘right’ isn’t always whats best.” He reasoned.

My fingers slipped from his and once again i allowed my legs to give out from under my as my weight rested comfortably on the couch. With my legs crossed and my lips pouted, i tried to maintain a rather taught disposition. Alex joined me on the couch as well and our thighs brushed ever so lightly together. I shivered from the brief contact. His fingers traveled the distance from my knee and his hand stopped squarely onto my thigh. I shivered again but smiled in an effort to hide my raging hormones.

We sat silent for a moment. Alex’s voice came suddenly and strong. I jumped alittle in my skin. “I have an idea.” His hand left its perfect spot onto my lap and traveled deeply into his backpack. He pulled out a thick leather notebook with scratchings on the cover. “It’s a little tattered but it’s got 1000 pages to it.” He turned to the front page, “Well 999 pages to be exact. The first page just has my name on it.” He looked at me and slightly smiled at my puzzled facial expression. “Instead of crying and getting overwhelmed. Or giving up and running back home. Or any of those easy things…i think instead you should write everything down. Everything that bothers you. Everything that Harry says or does. Everything that you love and hate. I think instead of saying or doing anything too dramatic you just need to write it down…”

Alex handed me the large book. I opened it and carrassed the first page. It read ‘Alex Clover, who are you?’ Over and over again. I bit my bottom lip and took a pencil from off of the coffee table. I hesitated a bit. My hands shook. If Harry were here right now, what possibly could i say to him? I placed the pencil to paper and finally i wrote words. ‘I come first. Not Simon, not Francesca, not your career. It is me. You need to prove to me that you love me enough to walk away from all of this without a second thought, just like i walked away from EVERYTHING for you.’

I took a deep sigh. “Perfection”, i whispered to myself as those perfect lines repeated over and over again in my head. My eyes rolled up to the written Alex Clover once more and I ran his name once again over my tongue. I finally realized, “you haven’t told me-“

“Aana” Alex cut me off, “there are alot of things that you don’t know. Alot that i’m about to tell you.”

Chapter 17

Alex stood up, as if he were putting himself on trial, and he turned towards me. His eyes shifted down to meet mine. He breathed in deeply. I picked up my pencil and began to write.

We each house ourselves deeply within the enigma of our own worlds, hoping that our foundation never crumbles beneath us—that in itself always fails. In my life, so far as it has been, i’ve learned that you can not live expecting the best or the worst—you can only live and strive for what your heart desires. You will cry and you will bleed and you will triumph and succeed but all of that is trivial, and you should not dwell on these vicissitudes. Instead, be thankful if, amidst all of this chaotic and wonderful, beautiful, change, there is one true person that turns to you at your worst and at your best and at every point in between—to lend you honesty.

I could feel his eyes on my pencil, and i could feel my pencil slowly molding itself into my hand, becoming a part of me. I began to wonder if he would find it rude that as he confessed i wrote,  so i bit my lip and let my pencil rip from me, as it fell into the inseam of my book.

Alex’s feet shuffled a bit and then he cleared his throat when he knew he had my attention. “I don’t lie much, and its not because i feel like i shouldn’t”, he smirked alittle, “it’s just because i’m bad at it.” He wet his lips and continued. “I’m manipulative, competative, impacient, and arrogant. But one thing that you can always count on is that i do my job, whatever it may be. I do everything from…from digging up dirt on every prospective client to screwing in light bulbs. I clean toilets and i produce music. These hands were put to work at a very young age. When i was 12 a very greedy, ambitious, and intelligent man told me that the line between small jobs and big jobs disappears when you learn to do everything yourself. That man was Simon Clover, my father. And might i say, despite how much of a cretin he can be when it comes to business he knows his stuff.”

I picked up my pencil.

“Wait!” Alex demanded. “How are you supposed to write a story if you haven’t even received true inspiration yet?” My lips parted. His eyes softened at my confused disposition. He finally took a seat next to me and rested his hand on my leg again. “Just let me finish. You can write everything i say, i swear, just let me get to the good part, first.”

I nodded. My pencil rested somewhere neatly tucked in between empty, eager pages. The book lay shut under my feet. My eyes found his.

Alex took my hands in his. “Everyone knows how i feel about you. My father, the studio, Harry. They just don’t know if you feel the same way. I can’t even count how many times in the last 24 hours that people have come up to me telling me to ‘leave that girl alone, you know she’s taken’ “, a mischievous smile now appeared on his lips and it seemed to stretch up to his eyes, “And i can’t help but say to them ‘…who fucking cares?’ You can probably imagine how much trouble that has gotten me in. It’s quite alright, though. Types like me are always in some kind of mishap but people can never bare to do without me.” Alex’s smile faded a bit and he began to stroke my palm with his thumb. “And you can probably imagine that i don’t get too attached to anyone. You never know who’s out there for your heart and who’s out there for your money and who’s so selfish that they want both. But you, well, i mean, i feel like i really…love you.”

Alex rested my hands back on my lap and stood up. “Maybe it’s because you resist me so much, you make it so hard but so…worth it.” Alex headed for the front door. My eyes were wide. He turned the knob and smirked and before he slipped through the entryway he added “We’re very much alike in many ways, you know. Styles and i, that is.”

The door quietly closed behind his tiny frame. In many ways he was very different than Harry.  People could sense his presence, feel his eyes on their backs, maybe even hear his voice in a passing, but he was in so many places at so many times. He managed to be important without being dominant. Finally i seized my book and my pencil melted back into my hand. I decided that i would start the story from the middle, and eventually work my way to both beginning and end. Like a knot, my life was ever changing, ever complex. Just because i may tug on one end does not guarenteed that the entity would finally unravel. If anything, things get tighter and more intricate. I crossed out my angry message to Harry, and underneath my description of Alex i wrote, i believe, the most amazing first words to anything i’ve ever read.

He was like a ghost. And i was his mistress.

__________________________________________________________________

Writing about Alex was a difficult process. And i hate to sound like one of those people, those professionals who know everything yet nothing all at the same time. But for me, at least, writing is a deeply emotional and sensual task. I was highly attracted to Alex, to his mind, body, and soul, so to continue on this path of honesty i have to add that i struggled through the first 9 pages of the middle of this book, my book. The sun started to set. The shadows began to dance on the walls. Nothing disturbed me until i heard the rattling of Harry’s keys in the lock. I took a deep breath. I promised myself not to get angry or to cry.

Harry slipped through the doorway. I dropped my head and drew an immediate line under Alex’s section.

“Ehrm”, He cleared his throat to announce his presence. “Whatcha doin’?” Harry murmured.

“Writing,” i whispered, pretending to look busy.

“Oh…” He laughed softly, “I didn’t know you liked writing.”

The absent lover.

I smirked and began writing about these new days.

Harry prodded for more conversation. “Actually, i wasn’t aware that you were the artsy type.”

I looked up. “There’s a lot about each other that we don’t know.”

“How’d your day go?” He said inching closer to me.

“Not as fun as your day, i bet.”

Harry’s face twisted. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

I set my book aside. “Don’t curse at me.”

Harry clenched his fists. “I’d be sorry but it’s so fucking frustrating coming home from a hard day of work and having to deal with bullshit.”

I blinked, unsympathetically. “You work in a recording studios. You sing for a living. You get to be famous. If you think that’s hard then imagine how the people who’s job it is to make you famous feel?”

“Like Alex?” He hissed.

“Like Alex.” I said.

Harry inched closer, his temple pounded. “You know what? I was right about that bastard. You’re not allowed to see him anymore.”

I jumped up. “ALLOWED?!” I screamed. I stepped closer to him. ” I got engaged WITH you, not TO you. We were supposed to be in this together. Ever since you’ve gotten here, and Syco Studios has gotten their hands on you, you’ve changed. Now you think you own me, you think you can walk around patronizing yourself, lying to me, and cheating on me before we’ve even said our vows!”

“That’s not a fucking engagement ring!” He yelled back.

In an instant it felt like i had been punched in the stomach. I reached for my hand and tore the ring off of my ring finger and threw it at Harry. It hit him in the chest where his heart was.

Harry’s jaw clenched. “GAHHH!” He bellowed and threw his hand across my cheek.

I tensed. No matter how hard i tried, this time, tears accumulated in my eyes and ran down my face. I touched my cheek. Raw. The same place where my father had marked me, as i bled out into the snow. The same place that Harry had so desperately tried to heal. This place, he now marked.

“Aana…” He whispered, tears were in his eyes. “Aana, i’m sorry. Aana.” He begged.

I backed away from him.

“Aana,” He pleaded.

“Get away from me, you scare me!” I cried out. I grabbed my book and locked myself in the bathroom. I poked at my cheek briefly in the mirror and i tried to close my eyes to remember a time where Harry would be behind me, smiling, protecting me from myself. History was repeating itself. Karma had paid her visit to me. I sunk down to the cold bathroom floor. I shivered, from sadness, and not lack of warmth. My hands shook, my pencil melted right back into my palm. I opened back to the middle of the story.

I have become my mother.

Chapter 18

I rested my head against the door and closed my eyes. My face burned. I slightly twitched from the stinging pain. I gripped my pencil, as if it were my only weapon against him. At this point in time I couldn’t even stand to think of him, or his name, or his existence. Eventually, I heard the front door slam and immediately my muscles relaxed. I took a deep breath, hoisted myself up, and reached for the door with trembling hands. I swallowed hard and opened the door slowly, peaking my head out, at first. Things seemed to be quiet enough so i crept out of the bathroom. I rounded a corner to the kitchen when i felt a hand on my wrist. My body froze.

“Aana, what happened to your face?” Alex whispered.

I turned slowly and saw Kylie and Alex staring at me with wide eyes. “H-how did you two get in here?”

“I-I heard screaming and then I ran over here and the front door was open and Harry was gone and I-I didn’t know what to do so i panicked and called the record company and Alex picked up and i told him that i couldn’t find you or Harry and before i could even start screaming, too, he was here.” Kylie stammered.

She took a step closer to me and reached out touch my face. I flinched and her hand dropped immediately.

“Did he…hit you?” She whispered, tears forming in her eyes. “D-Did our Harry—perfect, amazing, Harry—hit you?”

I bit my lip and turned to Alex. His eyes questioned me too. He clenched his jaw. I lifted my head up and down, slowly nodding. I was ashamed that i had let it get that far—that i had let it happen again.

Alex let go of my wrist and slipped his fingers in between mine. “We’re taking you to the doctor.”

I snatched my hand from his. “No. I’m fine.” I rushed. “You two should leave. I don’t want you seeing me like this.”

Kylie pushed Alex aside and place a firm hand on my shoulder. “We’ve lived, together, we’ve cried, together. We’ve gotten older, together. We’ve gotten sick and hurt, together. We’ve gone to school, together. We’ve graduated, together. We’ve gotten kicked out, together. We’ve abandonned our lives, our parents, and our future, together. We’ve started this new future, together. So if you think that i’m leaving you now, now, at a time where you need me, then you can just forget about it. I made a vow to be your best friend for life, and thats exactly what i intend to do.”

Alex smiled slightly. “And that’s exactly why we want to take you to the doctor. You don’t want that to leave a bruise and,” he paused and grabbed my hand again. “…And i know it hurts really badly and i don’t like seeing you in pain.”

I twitched again from the instant contact and from the searing pain that pounded on my fleshy cheek, yet a smile somehow managed to appear. “Okay,” i agreed.

Kylie beamed. “Great! Let’s-” yet her speech got caught in her throat. Her and i took a step back. Alex’s hand slipped from mines. He stalked forward.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He threatened.

Harry turned towards my direction. “Aana, can we talk?”

Alex balled his fist. “No. Go away.”

“Aana?” Harry pressed.

“I said n-“

“Alright.” I whispered. I pushed myself from Kylie’s protective gaze and made my way over to Harry.

“You’ve got to choose.” I heard Alex say.

My body jerked to a stop. I looked to and fro and realized that i was standing in between the paths of Harry and Alex.

“I agree.” Harry said.

I bit my lip, not to prevent tears, this time. No, this time i was feeling something far deeper. I felt completely and utterly disturbed from within. I coughed between clenched teeth and skin. I tried to hold it in. I coughed again. My head started spinning and my chest heaved. My body bent forward and a violent rage of vomit escaped my lips. I fell to my knees and coughed again. I shivered and lay in the feedle position. My eyes closed and a last breath escaped my lips.
________________________________________________________________

I woke up to beeping noises and prickly skin. It was freezing beyond any winter morning. I looked around. I lay in a hospital bed with wires hanging above me and a bandage on my cheek. It wasn’t as if i’d gotten into a car accident, or if i’d fell out of my balcony. I concentrated on the sullen blue walls and tried to distract myself by counting the seconds in between each beep.

Kylie came entered the room followed by a nurse and Alex. I managed to turn my head to the right, slightly and i saw Harry passed out in the chair next to my bed. My heart skipped a beat. The machine sped up a little.

“We’re happy to see you too!” Kylie exclaimed.

I smiled and turned my attention to them but i focused on my sleeping boy using my periphereal vision. I felt stupid admitting to the fact that, even after bruising me, i was still deeply in love with him.

“How’re you feeling?” The nurse said with a clipboard in her hand.

I switched my lips to one side. “Fine, actually. I’m ready to go now.”

“Woah, woah. Slow down, missy, ” She chuckled. “I believe you. But first we have to run a few tests.”

My forehead crinkled. I saw Harry rub his eyes and sit in an upright, tentative position. “Tests?” I murmured.

“Yes. Your friends told the doctor that,” she eyed the clipboard. “That before coming here you started to uncontrollably coughed, followed by vomitting, falling to your knees, shivering, and unconsciousness. Is that right?”

I nodded.

“Mhm. Well i don’t doubt that you’re in tip top condition but we want to be completely sure before you leave us. Mind if i ask you a few questions? Your friends can leave for a bit during this time, if you prefer.”

“No it’s fine. They can stay.”

The nurse picked up her pen and concentrated on the clipboard. “We’ve got all of your insurance information thanks to your friends. These are just some routine questions. Spell your name.”

“A-a-n-a. C-h-a-m-b-e-r-s.”

“Date of birth.” She said in a monotone voice.

“February 2nd, 1992.”

I heard her pen scribble across the page. “Are you sexually active?”

I gulped and a blush rushed to my cheeks. I turned to Harry, and then Alex. “Ehrm…you mean recently or?”

The nurse eyed me. “Have you ever had sexual intercourse?”

I could feel myself blushing harder. “Y-yes.” I stuttered. I gripped the bed sheets.

She scribbled again. “Have you gotten your menstrual cycle yet?”

“Uh…yes. But,” I pulled my knees to my chest. “But it skipped this month.” I said in a low voice.

The nurse raised her eyebrow. “When was the last time your’ve had sexual intercourse?”

My mouth opened. I blinked. “Ehrm…uh…almost a week ago, i suppose?”

The nurse scribbled for a long time and finally she clicked her pen and slid it through the clipboard. “I think i know whats wrong. But i’ll get the doctor to fill you in. Until then, sit tight, and i’ll be right back.”

I saw her thin body disappear through the doorway.

Everyone breathed. We said nothing. We knew nothing. For once, we felt like the struggling young adults that we were. We were not equipped to handle something of this magnitude. I believe, in this moment, we all silently admitted that we each still had a lot of growing up to do.

The small nurse returned followed by a middle-aged looking man in a white coat.

He smiled at us and outstretched his hand to me. “Hello. I’m Dr. Green. I’ll be accomodating you while we try to get you in and out of this place as quickly as possible.” He turned to Kylie, Alex, and Harry. “I’m sure you are all great friends of Aana but i’m going to have to ask you to leave unless you are a family member.”

“I’m a family member!” Harry jumped up. “She’s my fiance. We’re engaged,” He gazed in my eyes for a second and then looked at Dr. Green. “Could i please stay?”

Dr. Green nodded. “You, yes. Although i’m going to have to ask you to step outside until after the blood work. You may return shortly after. For the rest, however, they must either go home or wait in the waiting room.”

Harry nodded and he shuffled Alex and Kylie out of the room. Alex tensed when Harry put his hand on his back. I heard Alex whisper ‘don’t touch me’ as soon as they exited the threshhold.

I sighed and sat up in bed.

“The nurse will take your blood shortly, but first we need to chat” Dr. Green said. He sat on the side of my bed. I examined him. He sported the occassional gray hair in his well groomed black hair. His eyes were dark brown and curious and the tiny wrinkles around his lips showed that he smiled a lot. “How’s school?” He started off.

“I graduated highschool recently,” I said shyly.

Dr. Green beamed. “Great! What college are you enrolled in?”

I gulped. “I-I,” I stammered. Dr. Green’s eyes felt so welcoming so i felt obliged to confess. “I’m trying something new. College isn’t for every single person at the same exact time as everyone else. Some people go later to college, some people never go at all. School is an okay place. It’s a sociable place, it’s a scholastic place, it can even be a romantic place. But I’ve gotten my freedom, now, and with it i choose to explore. I love books, but on my own time. I love learning, but through life, not through lectures. Maybe, i’ll go to college in a few years but maybe not. Either way, I chose this for now and I can’t have any regrets because in the end, I am my greatest supporter.”

Dr. Green smiled harder. “You’re a very smart girl. And I have faith that no matter what you do, you’ll be successful in life. Just remember, as long as you’re absolutely happy, nothing can truly defeat you.” He tapped his thumb on the side of the bed, patiently, methodically. “So,” he started. “Are you going to tell me what happened to your cheek or do i have to guess?”

My lips thinned. Harry’s smile appeared in my head. He wasn’t a bad person, he was frustrated and unsure of his life right now. I admit that this did not give him the right to hit me or to talk to me the way he did. I admit that it would take more than just an apology to forgive him for harming me. But, i also admit that i love him and that i still believe in him as he believed in himself. If he didn’t believe, then he wouldn’t have called me his fiance. And if i didn’t believe then i wouldn’t have went along with it.

 I looked Dr. Green firmly in his eyes, forced a fake smile on my lips, and chuckled. “Funny story actually. Harry, Alex, Kylie and I were playing tag around the condo like big, clumsy, kids. And it was Harry’s turn to chase everyone and of course i was his first target and so he pounced on me and he didn’t know that we were going to fall that hard on the ground but we did. He landed on top of me, and i was like his cushion. Meanwhile i ended up with this bad boy.” I pointed to my bandage.

Dr. Green nodded. “Okay, i trust you,” was all he said. He cleared his throat. “What we don’t quite understand, though, is the coughing, vomitting, shivering, and unconsciousness. Now you told the nurse that you’ve recently been sexually active and that you’ve missed your period, yes?”

I nodded.

“Those are symptoms of pregnancy as you know. However it’s too early to detect if you’re pregnant by a urine test so we’ll have to take a blood test. It’s called an hCG Qualitative test in which it measures the pregnancy hormone called ‘human chorionic gonadotropin’ in your blood and then it gives you a clear answer as to if you’re pregnant or not. It usually takes one or two days to receive results so you’d have to stay overnight. If it turns out that you are pregnant then you are free to go. But if you aren’t then there might be something else wrong and we’ll have to run more tests to see what it could be.”

I sighed and closed my eyes. Everything was always so complicated and i didn’t understand why. I heard the nurse began to prepare for my needle. I turned away from the sharp object. If i was pregnant i would be getting a lot more of these. I seemed to surrender my arm almost immediately but i felt no prick, no aching sensation. When i looked down i saw my blood rushing into a tube. I turned to Dr. Green.

“She’s the most gentle nurse that we have here on our team,” He boasted.

I was thankful for her. I was thankful for his kindness. And i was thankful for the undying support of my friends. I knew that, even though they were given the option to go home they wouldn’t. Possibly not even Alex, who would surely be missed at the record company.

I turned my head away again. The sight of blood made me weak. After another minute passed i heard the nurse finish up. I felt the slight pulling sensation from my arm and then i felt an alcohol pad being pressed to my arm and then a band-aid being applied.

“All done,” She said in her monotone voice.

Dr. Green thanked her and then he turned to me as I sat up in bed. “You should relax while we get the results for you. I’ll send in your boyfriend—ehr fiance from the waiting room. The nurse or i will be checking on you from time to time. If you need anything at all just let us know.”

Again, i nodded in silence. I pulled my legs to my chest. Harry came shortly and he reclined back into the chair that he had fallen asleep in. We did not speak. We did not make awkward noises from our mouths. We did not hum, sing, or whistle. We just sat there.

Harry sighed. I relaxed my body a bit.

I could feel him smiling. I looked over to check and confirmed my suspicions.

He licked his lips and ran his hand through his curly locks. “You said,” he murmurmed. “You said that there are a lot of things that we don’t know about each other. I agree. And i’d like to fix that. I’d love to get to know you, tonight, Aana.”

 He turned towards me with those…eyes. I turned away and blushed.

“Aana,” he melodically called. My heart monitor sped up. He laughed and i blushed.

“What’s your favorite color?” He whispered.

I hesitated. “..Black,” i finally said. “It’s elegant, sexy, and bold. Yours?”

“Hmm,” he said, reclining back into the cushioned chair. “I like white. It reminds me of sadness, loneliness, honesty…snow.” His eyes shifted to me, to see my reaction. Again, he smiled. “What’s your favorite food?”

I wrinkled my forehead. “Ehrm…pizza i suppose. Yours?”

“Same.” He admitted.

I rolled my eyes.

“I’m serious!” He defended himself, laughing. He didn’t even have to look at me to know what i was thinking. That frightened me. That excited me.

“Well, anyway,” he added. “What’s your favorite song?”

I shifted my gaze to the window. The sun set on another december evening. The room began to flood with darkness and a dim light from the moon leaked in. The dull hospital lights flickered on. It was an eerie, depressing…romantic setting, actually. I remembered the time Harry sung to me in the kitchen. To think that it was only a few days ago confused me. 7 days felt like 70 years, together. “Iris,” i whispered, “Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.” I smiled and turned towards him again. “Do you know that song?”

Harry smiled too and he played along. “Why yes, i believe i do. It happens to be my favorite song, as well.”

The beeping noises faded in and out. I felt myself fall deeper in love with him. He wasn’t a bad person. Not at all. Not one bit. “Sing it for me,” I whispered.

Harry leaned over his chair.
“And I don’t want the world to see me
Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive!”

I sighed in bliss happiness. These were the moments that i craved. It seemed to me that the longer we stayed away from his job, the more he began to phase back into being himself. I slouched down in bed. My hospital gown crinkled with every move i made. “I hate this shit,” I whispered. “So uncomfortable. Everything is just so…wrong.”

Harry laughed softly, bent over and untied his laces. He slid off his shoes and socks. Then he jumped up and undid his pants.

“W-what are you doing?” I stammered as a blush filled my cheeks again.

He slid his shirt over his head and slid off his boxers. He kicked his clothes aside and approached the bed, completely naked, completely shameless. He pulled the covers back. A shiver ran through his body. He began to untie my hospital gown. It fell to the ground. I shivered but i didn’t object. Harry pulled me into his arms and we sank into the bed. He pulled the covers around us and we huddled together. Our bodies lay entwined, forehead to forehead, nose to nose. He kissed me passionately for what seemed like the first time in forever. I could feel his anger, his sadness, his happiness, his fears. He separated our lips and kissed my nose. He pulled me even closer to him. Our bodies pressed together. We shivered, now, simultaneously.

“I love you so much,” he whispered. “I promise, i’ll do the best that i can.”

I snuggled into him and rested my head onto his chest. His heartbeat lulled me to sleep.

__________________________________________________________________________

“EHEM!!” Someone’s voice roared.

I jumped up. My eyes cracked open but i snapped them close because of the glaring sun. I used my hand as a shade and once again i opened my eyes, carefully this time.

Dr. Green stood over my bed with a half-amused, half-angry facial expression. “Aana? What’s this about?”

I looked down and saw Harry sleeping on his stomach, clinging to the edge of the tiny hospital bed. “I’m sorry, Dr. Green. But it’s absolutely not what it looks like. We just fell asleep like this. Nothing happened. We didn’t…fornicate.”

Dr. Green nodded. “It’s past noon. I’m happy you got a good nights rest. But this isn’t what i had in mind when Harry asked if he could stay.” His expression softened and he chuckled. He reached down, pulled open the drawer of the nightstand, and pulled out another hospital gown. He handed it to me. “I’ll give you five minutes to get dressed and to wake up sleeping beauty over there. Afterwards we can discuss your results.” He said walking away. “FIVE minutes,” He stopped and added before closing the door behind him.

I violently shook Harry until he murmured a groggy “mmh?”

Harry sat up, rubbed his eyes and looked around. I pointed to his clothes on the ground. He climbed out of bed and began to get dressed. I put the gown on over my head but had trouble tying the strings. Harry zipped his pants up and reached over and began fixing my gown for me. I starred at him as he concentrated on the strings. He smelled so wonderful to me for some reason. I pulled him closer. He looked confused until i kissed him. He kissed back even harder. Intensity once again filled the room but a rap on the door made us jump. Harry put his shirt on and sat on the side of the bed. Only his sneakers still lay in the corner when Dr. Green entered the room.

“Glad to see you two fully clothed,” He said casually. “Aana, we have your results.”

I bit my lip and squeezed Harry’s hand.

The nurse came in silently, my eyes followed her as she rested my clothes on the nightstand beside me.

“You’re going to need to take a lot of vitamins and eat lots of vegetables, fruit, and protein. Stick to a balanced diet. Stress is not good for you at a time like this. Spend your time doing leisurely things. I wouldn’t reccomend that you consume alcohol or take any drugs. And please, the next time you play any games, try not to let anyone tackle you. Other than that you’re fine and you’re free to go. Your next check up is in 8 weeks, we want to see how you two are getting along,” he smiled and started to leave.

“Wait!” I practically screamed. I felt my mouth go dry and my hands started to shake. “What are you saying?”

Dr. Green smiled and laughed softly. “You’re pregnant, Aana.”

Chapter 19

A shiver traveled up and down my spine. My mouth grew dry. I tried to swallow but my throat burned with fiery consequence. “Wait,” I said. I grabbed onto Dr. Green’s sleeve and held it for dear life. My mind was spinning. The seconds of darkness that surrounded the blinking of my eyes felt more like hours, hours of being engulfed by insanity, uncertainty. Dr. Green’s mouth twisted.

“Are you okay?” I saw his lips form the words. I knew he said it, I knew he was capable of speech. I just couldn’t hear him. I couldn’t hear anything except for the pounding of my heart in my ears, and the strained rising and collapsing of my lungs. Again I swallowed, again my throat protested. I nodded.

“Your friends are waiting outside.” He mouthed.

 I was out of it. I felt myself slipping into a trance. Again I blinked. Again darkness fell. When my head turned and my eyes opened, I saw Kylie smiling and Harry covered with a deep blush across his cheeks. My eyes then traveled up thin legs and a small frame. They took in pale white skin that glowed against the dull hospital walls. Dusty rose lips, steel blue eyes and sandy blonde hair starred back at me. Alex smirked. My eyes fluttered. It felt as if oxygen had been forced into my lungs. I gasped. Everything stopped spinning. Sounds filtered back in, conversations continued. Alex nodded towards me.

“I’m scared!” I blurted out.

Silence filled the room. This time it was real. I starred into Alex’s being. I blinked but this time i didn’t notice the darkness.

“I’m scared.” I repeated. “I don’t know the first thing about caring for a baby. I don’t know the first thing about caring for me.”

Dr. Green glanced at the tiny nurse who nodded and like clockwork cleared the room. Even Harry was told to leave. I smoothed a rogue strand of hair behind my ear. Dr. Green took his usual seat on the side of my bed. I took a breath.

“Aana,” Dr. Green said, looking deeply into my eyes. His tone of voice was calm but serious. “Aana do you think I’d let you just walk out of here, pregnant, without knowing the first step on what to do with your life, and with your baby’s?” He paused. “Give me some credit. I wouldn’t be much of a doctor had i been cruel like that.”

Dr. Green put his hand on my shoulder. He had a way of calming me down within seconds. I began to wonder that perhaps he did not choose the profession of being a doctor, perhaps the profession chose him.

“So what do i do? Read pamphlets and books and go to classes and watch videos, like they do in those movies where they make everything seem so perfect? Is it really that easy? No.” I sighed. “Sorry, that was a dumb question…actually, what I meant was, does all of that stuff actually work?”

Dr. Green smiled softly. “Yes, and no. None of those things work if you truly don’t even want the baby. If five, or ten, or twenty years from now, you’re not going to look at the child and feel like they were worth the pain the struggle and the tears. Not if you truly just don’t care.”

My lips parted. Dr. Green raised his finger and touched my chest firmly. “So that’s what you have to ask yourself, Aana. ‘Do I truly want a baby’? Because having a child is not something that just goes away. It’s like having a tattoo. You can hide it all you want but when you’re stripped of everything there the truth is, on your skin, visible and as clear as anything. Make sure your decision comes from here,” He said, poking at my chest again.

I nodded. “I want this child.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“No. No I’m not. But…” I licked my lips and my eyebrows drew together. “But so far all I’ve done this whole trip is follow my guts. My guts say go, I go. If my heart happens to agree then that’s all the better. When I first got on the plane I was scared…but Harry, he reassured me everything would be fine. And my heart and my guts said to trust him. And I did. And here I am today pursuing his dream..no wait…I’m pursuing my dream too. I don’t think this was supposed to be mapped out perfectly. In fact, I look forward to cracks in the road. They level me so that I don’t get so high off of…this,” I said pointing out the window, “All of this glamour and fame and money. I feel like when I’m totally unsure and unaware and scared, I make the best decisions.” I put my hand to my stomach, “So keeping him..or her must be the best decision I’ve ever made in my life because I’m absolutely terrified.”

When Dr. Green smiled at me, his eyes lit up. This time he said nothing. This time, he just nodded. I knew that we both believed that I had made the right decision. This was more than just a question of morals and standards. Of conduct and of consequences. The child that I was carrying inside of me was a bastion of hope: it was the ultimate test. I was given this child solely for the reason so that I can be a better parent than my mother and my father, and Amber and Charlie. My child would not be deemed a mistake, but a lesson. A lesson in which I would learn how to talk more and listen less, to fight more and cry less; It now dawned on me that I would have to delve into the confines of me and pull myself from out of myself and to allow the inner-most vulnerable, most toughest, most raw part of me dominate. That, that honesty, that pureness, that, I believe, is what truly being yourself is about.

 ”S-send them in, please.” I stammered. “They are all apart of me just as much as my child is, don’t you agree?”

Once again Dr. Green nodded as he rose towards the door and disappeared through the threshold. For those brief seconds I was alone. I sat and I waited. Just as I had waited for the mysterious van to pick Kylie up that hot summer day. Perhaps that was the day that everything truly began. I smirked to myself as I thought about the numerous amount of possibilities that we are presented with each second. Each second is a supposition. Suppose I were to faint right now, suppose my friends were to leave the hospital right now, suppose I were to jump out of the wide window next to me, the breeze so calming, so welcoming.

If fleeting thoughts were to perhaps all turn into actions they would result in a large loss of life. Therefore that is my reasoning that we all have some type of common sense. And that perhaps the homicides and suicides, the genocides and Nobel prizes were not just mistakes, or…or defects of the human psyche, but perhaps they were desired actions..no, strongly desired actions that can not be justified. Just as my child is not a mistake, but a result of my actions, my desires. Or perhaps, maybe, I was equating him or her to too much, too soon, for the light had not yet even touched its skin yet and I am already holding him or her to the sky. I bit my lip, time alone did this to me quite often, I thought too much. Where was everyone?

Suddenly, the door swung open. Kylie waltzed in the room and sat in the chair beside my bed. Alex positioned himself directly next to me on the left side of my bed while Harry sat on my right. I turned to either side of me and entwined my fingers in between both of theirs. I saw them look at each other. Both jaws clenched. I looked up at them and then straight ahead towards Dr. Green. I felt a faint smile radiate from both beings: they had finally come to a peaceful impasse.

“Let’s begin,” Dr. Green started, “I’m going to give you a glossing of pregnancy, how to deal with it in its different stages, and how to help Aana through this painful but beautiful process in her life.”

I sighed happily and unlocked my fingers from my boys. I curled up between them like a cat. I was so very, very tired for some reason. One of the boys petted me, a tiny twitch ran through me. Their voices faded in and out.

”..And she’ll do that a lot. She’ll be with you one minute, and the next you’ll find her asleep….perfectly normal…pregnant women sleep quite a bit…make sure she eats,” I heard Dr. Green ramble on as my mind drifted off into my favorite place.

__________________________________________________________________________________

I arose with my hand on my lower back, wobbled a bit before Kylie and Alex rushed to steady me, and smiled down at the pressure weighing down on my bladder.

“Okay, Okay, Okay,” Alex nervously shifted through my purse to make sure I had everything. “Okay I think we’re ready to go. Lets get her in the car.”

“Wait!” Kylie shouted. “Where’s Harry?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “If he’s not here by now then I think we should leave because, like always, he’s going to be late.”

“But he’s the father.” Kylie said firmly. “I think he’d want us to wait for him.”

I closed my eyes as they began to bicker and I pulled myself from their grasp. I was steadied on my own when finally I turned to them and spoke. “Guys, it’s an ultrasound. We’re just going to find out the sex of the baby. One of you can call Harry and if he can’t make it, its fine, we’ll just tell him the sex later on when he gets here.”

Alex rolled his eyes again and pulled out his phone. “Oh I’ll call him alright.”

“No!” I laughed. “No, that’s quite alright. Kylie can take care of this one, I’m sure.”

Kylie nodded, pulled out her blackberry, and disappeared into the back room of the condo.

I locked eyes with Alex. He reached his hand out and then quickly withdrew it. I laced my hands in between his and rested it atop my burgeoning belly.

“Can you believe in four more months you’ll be ready to come out?” he said to my stomach.

“Now you’re scaring me.” I said laughing.

He smiled. “I’m sorry.” He said, and put a hand on my shoulder. “You know I’ll be there, though. That’s what friends are for.”

I looked at his hand on my shoulder and pressed my hand to his cheek. “We’re not friends. Well, I mean…I don’t consider you as a friend.” I said slowly.

Alex chuckled. “Neither do I. But It’s not like I can tell you how I feel. If I did, it wouldn’t change a thing right now…the way things are and everything.”

“You don’t know that,” I said. “Tell me.”

Our gaze intensified.

“Aana, I-“

“He can’t make it,” Kylie shouted from the back room. Her voice reached us before she could. She picked up  my purse and held the front door open for us. “He said He’s stuck at the studio, he apologized a thousand times. But he can’t make it. I’m sorry, Aana.”

I shuffled out of the doorway, my hand still pressed against my lower back. “It’s fine,” I smiled. “Just as long as he’s there on the day that counts.”

Alex rushed ahead of me to hail the elevator. “Don’t you realize, Aana,” he said, once again locking eyes with me, “Every day with you counts.”
__________________________________________________________________________________

Lights overhead rushed past me in a confusing blur. I heard a myriad of voices and noises but all I could concentrate on was the pain in my womb. Tears escaped my eyes. I felt the urge to scream but the pain made me absent of a voice, I whimpered instead.

I felt myself jerk to a stop. A nurse pierced the bare skin of my arm with a needle. I felt nothing. The pain of child bearing overcame all of my senses.

“Breathe, Aana.” A voice broke through the barrier. “Breathe, just like we practiced.” My head rolled in the direction of the voice. Alex stood above me.

“Breathe,” He said again as he acted out how he wanted me to breathe.

I mimicked him.

He nodded and smiled. “Dr. Green is going to deliver the baby.”

“Where’s…Harry” I managed to squeak out.

Alex shrugged his shoulders. “Kylie’s outside on the phone with him now, I’m not sure If…” Alex smiled “Just, don’t worry about him right now, Aana. Worry about giving life to your daughter, first.”

My daughter.

My daughter.

My daughter.

The words rang through my head. I laughed a little.
Yes, I was about to give birth to a beautiful baby girl.
I breathed.

The pain worsened. Dr. Green came in.

Everything seemed to slip past me: time, sanity, tears. I focused on his directions only.
When he said push, I pushed. When he said to relax, I relaxed.
All the while Alex stood right by me, his hand in mine. He smiled at me to give me reassurance.

The last stroke of pain was broken by a crack of a crying child. She was lifted from me, bloody and alive. I cried, too.

Dr. Green disappeared with her for a while.

I still couldn’t speak, I just starred at Alex.

Dr. Green returned with her all bundled up, and she was placed in my arms.
Tears escaped my eyes again.

“Well,” Dr. Green interrupted. “What shall you name her?”

My lips parted. I turned to Alex. “Well…I” I stuttered. “Well Harry wanted to name her the day of. But…He’s not…Here.”

Alex turned to me. “Shes yours,” He said. “You name her.”

I nodded. My mouth switched to one side. I looked down at her in thought. “Rory.”

I looked up at Alex. “Her name is Rory.”

“I love it!” he piped. “But what about a middle name?”

I rolled my eyes. Already I could forsee that rearing Rory would be difficult. Once again so many suppositons.

Alex could probably see the temporary Indignation spread across my face. “Blythe,” He decided. “Her middle name should be Blythe.”

I loved it. And I hoped one day when she was old enough she would grow to love it, as well. “Rory Blythe Chambers.” I smiled. “She sounds happy.” I said quietly. “That’s what I want her to be.”

Chapter 20

I awoke in my hospital bed, alone.
Rory was no where to be found, I shivered. The room had been colder than I remembered. And when, between giving birth and naming Rory, did I have time to sleep?
“Alex,” I called.

Silence passed throughout the room. I began to get nervous.

“Alex?!” I frantically shouted. “Alex! Alex!”

Vacant.

I looked down. For some strange reason I was no longer strapped to a myriad of IV’s, wires, and monitors. I slowly arose. My back still ached from the pains of child birth. I felt the cool polish of the silver door handle in between my fingers, and turned, letting myself out.

The hallways were just as empty as the frigid room.

“Alex !” I called as I walked into a large opening that resembled a living room. Finally, I found people. Lots and lots of people in white gowns just as I was dressed.

I frowned and searched the room with my eyes. I scouted out a tall blond. My legs moved faster than my body.

“Finally,” I said to him. “Why did you leave me?”

Alex turned around. “What?” he said in a confused tone.

“What do you mean what? You left me in the room by myself. It’s a lot creepier in there during the day time than it is at night.”

Alex lifted an eyebrow. “Are you alright Ms. Chambers?”

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. “Are YOU alright Alex?”

Alex took a step back from me and his eyebrows drew together in a furrow. “Who’s Alex?”

I tapped my foot impatiently and slightly gritted my teeth. “Whatever. If you want to continue playing this silly fucking game, go ahead. Just tell me where my child is at.”

“Aana, I think you’re having another episode. You should return to your room.” His words rushed out quickly. “Help, nurse! Nurse!!” he cried.

This time my eyebrows furrowed as too strong male nurses seized me by the arms and dragged me towards my room. “Wait? What? What the fuck?! Alex?!!”

I shivered as we came closer towards my room. The nurses bust my door open and threw me on the bed. One withdrew a needle before I lifted up my hands in protest. I squinted and turned my head “Please no, I don’t like needles. Please,” I pleaded quietly.

The burliest nurse rolled his eyes. “Just let her be. I heard she’s the sanest out of any of ‘em anyway. She just supposes and dreams too much, is all. Maybe,” he stopped himself for a second, “she’ll calm down and probably listen to the music from her room today, as always.”

The other nurse nodded. They propped my room door open and cracked the window with the heavy metal bars braced around it. The outside breeze drifted in, it was snowing yet the air was warmer outside than it had been in my room.

I shivered again and sat on the edge of my bed, feet firmly planted to the ground for what felt like hours, trying to figure things out. And then I heard the music.

I heard the sound of an acoustic guitar strumming to a melodic voice. “And I’d give up forever to touch you, cause I know that you feel me somehow…”

My eyes widened. I had heard this melody from somewhere. My feet took turns in front of me until I reached the huge open space again. All the people in white gowns were seated, some drooled, some nodded their heads back and forth to the music.

“Cause I know that you feel me somehow, you’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t want to go home right now…”

I allowed myself to fully enter the room. To my suspicions I came face to face with Harry. He looked up as he sung. When he saw me he paused for a second, remembered himself, and continued to sing.

“And all I can feel is this moment. And all I can breathe is your life.
But sooner or later it’s over.
I just don’t want to miss you tonight.”

I felt the tears gush down my face as I realized that none of these people knew me, and I knew none of them. Not even Harry. This time I retreated to my room. The melody seemed to drift towards every emotion within me, it followed me.
I curled up in bed and closed my eyes, tears still streaming down my face.

“And I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d understand.
When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.”

The music stopped. I sighed as I heard rapid footsteps approach my room. If the nurses were coming again to sedate me, I’d take it without a fight. Just to show them I was willing I even sat up straight and surrendered my arm.

Instead of feeling a needle pierce my skin, I felt an even sharper pain pierce my heart.

“Aana,” the melodic voice said.

I looked up. Harry stood over my bed, his guitar was strapped to his back. He rounded the corner of the bed and sat on my right side.

“H-Harry?” I stuttered, unsure of who was who anymore.

He smiled. “You finally came today. I knew one day you would. Finally, today you came. And you remember…”

I shook my head. “What?”

He frowned. “Or perhaps you don’t. Maybe I should go.”

We starred in each others eyes.

“I had this dream where you were famous and Alex and Kylie were there and we all lived L.A and things weren’t very perfect but we had a child and I was hopeful…I was always so hopeful that one day you wouldn’t be too busy to be a father and a husband. And Alex was there for me a lot and I wanted him but I’ve always chose you first. You were always my first. I just wasn’t yours.”

Harry cried, but a smile was on his face.

“Crazy dream, right?” I said, laughing at how silly I sounded.

“You remember Kylie,” was all he said.

My eyes widened. “Of course. She was my best friend…well in the dream-“

“No, no.” He said, cutting me off. “That part was real…is real. And the bit about me being famous is real too. Can you remember how you got here?”

I shook my head no.

“OK, OK,” he said quickly, “Thats OK. Try this: can you remember anything that happened before I was famous?”

I nodded slowly. “Sure. Well. In my dream… We met at central park on cold december morning. It was snowing and we went to Starbucks, and that was my first date ever. You were very cheeky and very confusing but still very handsome and I loved hanging out around you. You gave me this feeling of…everything.” I paused.

Tears streamed down Harry’s face now, yet he nodded for me to continue.

“Kylie came in the middle of our date and told us that we had to leave. But when we got to my house I …my dad, he hit me so hard.” My face ached just thinking about it. I rubbed it. “that’s how I started staying in Kylie’s house with you. Amber was so amazing to you and I. The only sad parts in the house was when I told you I loved you at first and you ran away.”

He laughed through the tears. I giggled too. “And when Kylie recorded a video of you singing and you accidentally sent it to her dad who is the owner of this huge record label. We thought you had to leave us forever and I felt like the inside of me was ripping in half. But…but Kylie fixed it…she said you and I were engaged and they told us we could come along with you.”

Harry nodded. “You would’ve, too if you hadn’t of…” he shook his head. “Before I say anything…I really want you to remember why you’re here. Do you remember any other bad parts of the dream before I got famous?”

I paused in thought, bit my lip and turned to Harry, hopefully. “There was…”

“Yes?” he said anxiously, leaning forward a bit.

“There was this horrible fight I had with my dad. I hit him really hard with a bat, we wrestled, and I stabbed him with a box cutter…”

Harry nodded. “You almost didn’t come out of that fight alive…”

“But…but…”

Harry touched my face. “You got hurt really badly in that fight. I remember all of the blood…” he shivered. “when we got to the hospital, the doctors saved your life just in time. But when you woke up you didn’t remember anything. They said you probably wouldn’t remember Kylie, or your mom and dad, or Amber, or Charlie, or I.”

My lips parted.

“We had to put you in this mental facility because Amber was afraid you’d hurt yourself trying to remember. For a while we would think ‘this is Aana, she’ll snap out of it in no time, she’s invincible’. But a lot of time passed and showed no signs of improvement. We all moved on.”

He shook his head. “My career picked up dramatically. I started making hit singles and then an entire album and then another. I even won some awards. But every song I wrote was for you. I…I don’t understand why I couldn’t just let go of you completely, something inside me told me to keep some bit of faith alive. Eventually, I even started volunteering once a month to come and sing to the patients here. When I would come you would stay in your room. A couple of times I came to visit and you looked right through me, smile, and ask me who I was.”

Harry cried some more. He sat next to me for a while and his body just shook with tears. “You’re not mental, Aana. You’ve just been abandoned for not being able to remember. And I am so sorry for that. But I will never abandon you again. It’s a miracle that you remember everything, just through a dream.”

My lips were still parted. I reached out to touch Harry, I wanted to hold him but I feared that he might no longer have been mine to hold.
“The part of my dream about us being in love…” I said quietly.

He looked up, cupped my face in his hands, and kissed me passionately. I remember the soft curves of his lips, his strong jaw, and overpowering hands. I missed being in his arms. He was the one I wanted.

When we pulled away he smiled. I laced my fingers in between his. “Rory Blythe,” I whispered to him.

“Who’s that?”

“…In my dream, that’s what I had named our daughter. Rory Blythe Chambers…I wish she were real.” I sighed.

Harry smiled. “We can work on that,” he said in his cheeky manor, “But first we need to sign you out of here and get you back to normal life,” he paused. “Well, semi-normal, if you consider being famous even normal at all.”

Harry got off the bed, I followed after him. He outstretched his hand. I took one last look at my hospital room.

“Harry,” I said slowly, “How long was I in here?”

He laughed. “Long enough.”

I’m a firm believer that everyone leaves themselves for some time. To me, It doesn’t make you any more crazy if you dream more than others. Sometimes your dreams are what gets you to the reality that you desire.
Sometimes you don’t end up with the person that you planned to be with all along.
And sometimes you do.
Me?
Well, as you can see, I was very lucky. I went all the way up, one day, but somehow my dreams pulled me down.
They saved my life.

“Ready?” Harry said, looking back at me, smiling.

I nodded and put my hand in his, our eyes met. I was only looking forward from here.

end…